Wednesday, February 24, 2010

40 Days to Freedom

I have debated whether or not to share this on my blog.  This is something that is so personal to me, yet so shameful, that I have often just decided not to write about it.  You never know who is reading your blog and you don't want to just put anything out there.  But the past few weeks I've really been struggling with something and feel that by blogging about it, maybe it will help me.

I joke about this a lot, and most of my closest friends know, but I am really addicted to sugar.   I don't mean in a funny, light-hearted kindof way, but rather - it is like a drug to me.  This started when I was a little girl, and I used to go to the candy store with my best friend Kourtney and buy tons of candy and eat it together. I'm sure every kid does that at sometime, but for me, it has never really stopped.  I have gone through 2 periods of my life where I gave sugar up completely, and it was very, very hard for me.  I tried doing it last year but failed, and the year before that, I gave it up for 40 days and then shortly went back to it.

Most people I know would say, "Oh, I'm addicted to sugar too!!"  But really, this is bad.  Let me be brutally honest and share yesterday's "diet" with you:

Breakfast: 1 cup of raisin bran with milk
Snack:  1 container of Reeses Pieces Eggs
Snack: Handful of Animal Crackers
Lunch: Turkey & Cheese Sandwich
Snack: 2 handfuls of chocolate chips
Snack: 3 bites of cookie dough (I was baking cookies)
Snack: Approximately 7-8 oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies straight out of the oven
Dinner:  Fettucine Alfredo with Broccoli & Garlic Bread
Snack: About 3 more cookies
Snack (9pm): Slurpee

Are you gasping yet?  Normally I don't even make cookies at home because I know what will happen. But yesterday I was wanting to make them for 3 different people, so I got rid of most of them. The rest I ate right up.

A few years ago, I really could eat in moderation.  It wasn't so much an issue.  I could have a box of See's Candy and spread it out over a week.  But something happened (I'm not sure what yet) about 2 years ago, around the time I had Jaden, where I just lost all sense of self control.  Now, I have no problem eating an entire pan of brownies in one day.  (I'm still trying to figure out at what point that change happened for me).

As I've been praying about this for a few weeks now (and having 2 of my prayer groups praying for me as well), last night I knew what I needed to do. I need to, again, give sugar up completely for a period of time (maybe forever, but I haven't gotten there yet).   My cravings have control over me, and I don't like it.  I have somehow separated this issue from letting God take over.  I have let God have control over every other area of my life, but I have said "leave this one out.  Leave this one up to me."  Yet I realize that I really am in bondage to this in my life.  I need some serious help.

I decided to start today and go for 40 days, then indefinitely.  Do you know what 40 days from today is? I didn't know until this morning.  It is EASTER!  I don't think that is just coincidence.  Two years ago, I also did this and ended at Easter.  I also didn't realize this  until this morning.  I think God is doing something in me.

Because I want to spare my normal blog from my every day journaling through this issue, I'm going to start a new temporary blog as I navigate through the next 40 days.  It is really just my way of journaling and working through the issues.  If you'd like to read it, or join me in this, I would love to have some encouragement along the way.  I need a change in my life; a big one.

1 comment:

  1. Okay Jaimie, I thought I was the only one with this problem and I will admit it has spun out of control the last year as well. I even blogged about my lack of self control a bit here and have started a challenge to get myself working out more (for me I was being lazy w/ working out and incontrollable with the sweets). I'd love to join you on this 40 day sugar fast, but am not sure I could do it. I'll pray about it and let you know, but I'm excited for you that you're to the point of making this commitment!