My Apologies

Tweet

This morning I clicked on a video by Michael Hyatt called "3 Blogging Mistakes That Are Killing Your Traffic."  BAM! I was hit by the first mistake - inconsistent posting.  Yep! That's me!  When life gets busy, my blog takes a backseat.  Last month I promised that each month on the 15th I would bring you a blogger interview. My first interview with Christin Slade was so fun to do, and I learned so much about her, that I decided I wanted to do one each month.  Yet weeks went by and I forgot about it!  Then I remembered, and could not decide who to interview!  So rest assured, I have been working on that and the post will be here shortly.

In other news, as you are well aware, our nation has been hit by another string of tragedies this past week.  From the bombings in Boston, to serious flooding in the midwest, to the factory explosion in Texas, it's almost impossible not to know someone in one of these areas. My heart has been heavy the past few days.  My heart is heavy not only for the victims of these tragedies, but by the response to them as well.  Instead of really praying, we hurl out reasons why these things happened that are not helpful.  The worst responses I have seen have been from fellow Christians, quoting Scriptures about the end times and prophecies and how we've left God out of our government and "this is why!"

Those responses are not helpful.  They are not loving. They are insensitive and pointing-fingers-in-victim's-faces.  What is wrong with us that instead of mourning with those who mourn, we launch into diatribes about why this is happening?  It's why I refuse to listen to talk radio, watch cable news programs with commentary, or participate in these kinds of conversations. One of the best blogs I read on this topic was my friend Don's blog post called "Terrorized" where he says we have been caught up in the sensationalism of it all:  " I’m sickened by those who in one breath tell us that they are 'praying for Sandy Hook or Boston' and then quickly turn to Twitter for the latest body count and rumors."

I admit that I have been one of those people who has gotten caught up in the sensationalism of it all - and isn't it partly because we are bored with our own lives?  It feels good to be connected with the rest of the world in some way?  But then we spend more time in the news than we do in the Word, and more time calling our friends than truly calling on the One we need to.

I'm not saying the news is bad, or we shouldn't be informed of the latest updates. But where is our heart in all of this?  Do we really care, or are we just pretending to?  Because if we really care, then let's check how we are spending our time, and spend more time praying for them than reading about them.

Please share your thoughts on this - how do you balance staying informed with not getting wrapped up in the sensationalism of each event?

I have written a few other posts on tragedies in the past, and how we can learn to respond appropriately and walk our children through these events.  Take a look:

When a Killer is Close By
When the World is Falling Apart
Choosing Peace Over Fear
Joy Through Pain
Be the Body of Christ
The Power of Goodbye
Heaviness

When You Feel Like a Nobody (The Curse of Social Media)

Tweet

Yesterday I woke up and checked Twitter feed really quick before I went on with my day. Bad mistake.  Out of the corner of my eye, I looked at my number of followers.  Down by 5 people overnight?  How did that happen?  Did I say something wrong?  It really bummed me out for a few hours.

Source

Before you laugh at the triviality of this first-world problem (and say something like, "That's why I'm not on Twitter!"), let me give you a little background.

Almost two years ago I decided to write a book, and it has consumed my every thought and waking moment since then.  Attending a writer's conference was eye-opening for me, as I realized that before attempting to self-publish or even approach an agent, I had to have a platform.  What was the ideal?  10,000 Twitter followers.  I'm sure my mouth dropped open in the seminar when they said that, as I was running about 250 followers at the time.

After I started corresponding with three different book agents, they all said the exact same thing.  The way publishing works today, nobody will want your book if you don't have a well-established platform.  "Work on your numbers," they all said.  That meant that I had to get my Twitter followers, Facebook followers, and blog followers up in the thousands.

Well, when you only have a few hundred you're dealing with, the loss of 5 can feel like a real blow.  After all, it probably took a month of hard work just to get those 5 followers.

All day long I kept feeling like a nobody.

That seems to be the curse of social media.  It is constantly there, reminding you that you're not as famous, not as effective, not as big as someone else out there.  You can log on to Facebook, read through updates and then log off, feeling like an incompetent mother.  You can scroll through your Twitter feed, read about other people "jet-setting across America to speak at my next conference," and be reminded that you're still sitting at home on your dreams.

For this reason alone, I know many people who have taken social media fasts, because they recognize that all of this self-focus is both unproductive and unhealthy.  But a social media fast is not really the best option for someone trying to write a book and build their platform, so we must learn how to deal with it.

This same feeling must be shared by many others, as just yesterday both Jeff Goins and Beth Moore posted on the same thing. Their words were encouraging and challenging.  Here is what both of their articles spoke to me personally:

- Stop making social media about you.  Use it as an opportunity to minister.  Use it as a way to learn about other people, to promote and encourage others.  When it becomes about you, it becomes a problem.

- Don't make comparisons.  This is the hardest part.  Even if I focus on encouraging others, on building them up, I'm still bombarded with what everyone else is doing that I'm not.  Yet for every choice that person is making, I'm making a different choice - a choice that is better for my life and my family.  Yes, I may not have 10,000 followers; I may not have a book coming out next month; I may not be speaking at that large conference - but I am spending valuable time with my kids and my husband, and that is worth more to me in the end.

- Beth Moore asks: "What is your passion? What is it that you are bursting to do [for God]? That's probably the stream of your calling." I love that quote, because it reminds me to go back to the basics- love God, love others.  Will my platform matter in the end?  It is not the most important thing.  I want to spend the majority of my energy on what I've been called to do -  minister to others.

- Focus on who you are reaching, not on who you aren't.  If I'm spending all of my time thinking about who I'm not reaching, then I'm not spending that time with the people I am reaching.  I only have 400 followers?  That is an opportunity to reach 400 people from inside of my home that I would otherwise have no contact with.  That is amazing!

I also think it's important to unplug from social media throughout the day.  Having it up and on constantly is not only distracting, but can affect our moods based on what we read.  It may be helpful to have specific times you log in, as well as specific times you work on building your platform - not sporadically all throughout the day.

So, how do you manage this pressure? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Blogger Interview: Christin Slade

Tweet

I'm so excited about a new series that is starting today on The Wonder Years, where I will have the opportunity to interview other bloggers and hear their stories.  Come back on the 15th of each month where I'll highlight and ask questions of a new blogger, and it could even be you!  Be sure to click "follow" on the left side of the screen as I'll be choosing many of these interviews from followers who have blogs.

I first heard about Christin Slade through many of the different blogs that I follow.  It turned out that she was the virtual assistant for a few people I respect, and her name kept popping up all over the place!   Christin is not only a popular blogger herself, but she is also the author of the new e-book Blog at Home Mom, and one of the planners for the Allume Conference.  Christin works from home as a virtual assistant, and she is also a wife and mother of seven children!  Oh wait - and she homeschools, too. (So you can imagine that the first question I wanted to ask her was "How do you do it all?")

After I heard that she was in the process of adopting two children from Ghana, I knew that she was the first blogger I wanted to interview for my new series.

Adoption has a very special place in my heart. Although my husband and I are not in the process right now, we feel led to support other adopters in any way that we can.  As you read Christin's interview, I pray that you will consider supporting her and her husband in some way.  They still need to raise about $3000 to bring their girl's home, and every dollar makes a difference.

Let's get to know Christin!

Please tell us a bit about your family.

My husband and I have been married about 12 1/2 years and we have 5 children.  My family as it stands right now, is not all together just yet. We have five (biological) children living with us, and 2 in Africa waiting to come home.

My children at home include Gabriella (10), Benjamin (7), Jeremiah (nearly 6), Elizabeth (4), and David (2).  Our two girls in Africa are M (9) and C (8) and should be home this summer. 

We also homeschool, which certainly keeps things extra exciting. :)

Can you describe your two blogs for us, as well as how you got into blogging?

My blog, Joyful Mothering, was created to help me as a mother. The more I wrote, the more I realized how many moms out there related to me and some of the things I struggled with. I decided to start taking action on the things I struggled with and shared them on my blog and moms really liked that. They needed practical help as much as me! 

Over the course of 2 1/2 years, I've built a community of moms this way and continue to do so. I definitely don't have all the answers! But when I find myself struggling, I write about it. Then I pray for direction and often share what I learn. I also share resources I come across that help me with discipling my children, as that is my number one goal aside from being discipled myself. 

Finally, as a homeschool mom, I share resources to help other homeschooling moms. I know for myself, I prefer to purchase a curriculum based on a recommendation of someone I trust rather than blindly buying something. 

As I grew as a blogger, I found people emailing me lots of questions on how to blog and grow their blog. As I became a team member on Allume because Sarah Mae and I had formed an ongoing friendship, I realized I wanted to pay it forward by helping other women make their blogs successful.

So I began my writing and consulting blog, ChristinSlade.com, last summer. I am actually still getting it off the ground, as I have about 100 subscribers, and I'm still working on a solid writing schedule. But my goal is to help mom bloggers learn to blog, spread their influence, and balance blogging with mothering. 

How do you balance 5 kids with all that you do?  

This is a loaded question! :) It definitely took some trial-and-error and being open to flexibility. But I think the first thing it comes down to is having support from my husband. If my husband didn't support my blogging, I couldn't do what I do.

He allows me to go out of the house to write whenever I need to. Which, right now, is about once a week. We don't have a lot of outside activities nor are we regular tv watchers. We have a DVD player for family movies but never watch network television. This frees up my evenings to pursue reading, writing, and conversing with the online community through social media. 

It also requires some planning and a schedule. In order for me to get everything done, I need to have it written down with a time to do it. If I'm intentional about how I spend my time, it's amazing what I can accomplish!

Lots of moms ask me this question, so that's why I wrote an eBook on the topic. It really digs into the "hows" on the side of blogging AND mothering. 

What advice would you give a mom who desires to work from home, but doesn't know where to start? 

Don't wait for opportunity to come knocking. You must go out and find it. If you're a writer, start submitting articles to magazines and large blogs or websites. Don't wait for someone to ask you. It may never happen.

If you are good at administrative work or website design/graphic design or a techy who's good with html code or CSS code, become a virtual assistant! Ask bloggers if they are in need or look for bloggers asking for help. Offer yourself to them as a virtual assistant. 

Please share with us a bit about your adoption story- how you and your husband decided to adopt, if you have connected with any children yet, and where you are in the process.  How can we support you?

My husband and I knew when we first married that we would eventually adopt. However, we thought it would be domestically.  We first got the call to adopt internationally in January 2012. For some reason, we really felt compelled to Africa. So, we researched for about 6 months before signing on with an agency, (which we later fired). To read a more in depth account, you can go here. 

As it stands now, we are the legal guardians (parents) of two beautiful girls (sisters) ages 8 and 9, from Ghana, who are waiting to come home. There are still some things we need to get through before they can come home. Our hope is that they are home by the summer.

As it currently stands, we are still in need of finances to travel back to Ghana to bring them home. We're looking at about $3,000. If you'd like to help, you can find out how here. Nothing is too small. 

Can you tell us more about your book? 

My first eBook was released in February, called Blog at Home Mom: Balancing Blogging and Motherhood. It was written to help moms struggling with in this area, but also to shed light for moms who want to blog but don't see how they can do both motherhood and blogging. 

When I became a mother, I put my writing on a shelf. It wasn't until just a couple of years ago that I learned it's okay to write AND mother. I just needed to learn my rhythm.

http://joyfulmothering.net/my-ebook/

Thank you, Christin!!

As you can see, Christin is an amazing woman of God who is seeking to honor Him through everything she does.  I have been so encouraged by her openness and her willingness to help others.  I would again really encourage you to consider how you might be able to help Christin and her family bring their two girls home.

Christin also offers blog consultations, critiques, social media consultations, as well as virtual assistant services.  She has a lot of wisdom on these topics, and is a great resource if you are looking to expand your blogging or social media influence.

Thank you again, Christin - and stay tuned for another blogger interview on April 15th!

When a Killer is Close By

Tweet

No doubt you have seen the news regarding Christopher Dorner, the man accused of murdering three people in Southern California, who is still on the loose.  He has quite a manifesto of people he is after, including a long list of Los Angeles police officers.

Living in a suburb of Los Angeles, we are in a very safe neighborhood that has a very low crime rate.  However, yesterday at 5am we were awoken by the sound of many helicopters hovering over our house.  Immediately we knew something had happened and turned on the news. We were shocked to hear that, within 3 streets of our house, there had been two shootings related to the search for this man. The streets where both shootings happened were on either side of our sons' school.

As it turned out, one of the high-profile police officers targeted by Chris Dorner lives 3 streets away from us.  That house was being monitored overnight, and police officers saw a truck, without headlights, driving slowly down that street approaching the house.  There are no clear reports about exactly what happened yet, but police officers ended up firing 50 rounds into that suspicious truck - only it wasn't Chris Dorner - it was 2 older Hispanic ladies delivering newspapers. (See news article here)

Two streets away, another police car was speeding towards the scene, got in an accident with another truck that looked similar to the description of Chris Dorner's truck, and started firing shots there too. Nobody was hurt in that incident (and the two women who were struck are okay).

When we heard that Chris Dorner had not, in fact, actually been in our area; and after confirming through various news reports, we sent our children to school at 9am.  Police presence was heavy, the media was everywhere, and parents gave each other sympathetic nods.  The kids were all talking about it, with stories ranging from "a killer is on the loose," to "the police are just protecting everyone."  The teachers handled the whole situation with grace and understanding.

As I drove my children up to the school, emotion overwhelmed me, and for a quick moment I had a glimpse of what other parents who have experienced school tragedies might feel like - the feeling of uncertainty, of fear, of confusion.  You want to make things normal for your child, to deflect any fear so that they will feel safe and secure, and you want to hold it together for them.  And although I only got a small glimpse of what they were feeling, I know that I never want to feel it again.

The sight of policemen patroling your kids school with guns in their belts, with police cars stationed on every corner - it should make you feel safer, but it doesn't, really. It makes you realize that we live in a cold and harsh world.

As I read many articles about Chris Dorner, many of them mentioned that in his manifesto it says that his pain and sense of injustice began as a child.  At age 6 years old, when he was a first-grade student at a Christian school, he was called a racial slur.  He punched and kicked the other kid, and then was sent to the principal's office and swatted.  While both children were punished, Chris did not understand why he was being punished for standing up for himself.  That led to a series of events in his life which continually trigged that event which happened when he was 6 years old. 

As a parent of 5 and 7 year old boys, my heart broke when I read that part of his story.  I do not condone anything he is doing - at all - but his pain makes sense to me.  How do you process something like that when you are 6 years old? The bullying? The name calling?  And then how do you process the fact that you got in trouble for what you thought was right? 

I cannot do much about the Dorner situation from my home. But his story made it all the more clearer to me how critically important it is to teach my children the right way to handle bullying at this age - and more importantly, how not to bully someone else.  When my 7 year old came home recently and jokingly made his eyes look slanted, making fun of another kid in his class, we immediately sat down with him and explained why that was wrong, and why he would never, ever do that again.  He had seen another kid do it, and didn't know that it was being mean. He just thought it was funny.  We had to teach him that behavior was wrong.  When we hear one of our boys making fun of someone else for "liking Dora the Explorer even though he's a boy," we have to teach them that they will not make fun of anyone else, no matter what.  They don't always know why what they are saying is wrong; it is our job to teach them.

It can be easy to overlook those things, laugh along with the child, or pretend that it didn't happen. But it is our job as mothers, to not only protect our own children, but to also protect the children who may not have a voice.  We need to protect those kids whose parents are not protecting them. We need to step up and intervene whenever we see any child suffering at the hands of another.

I don't know if this situation could have been averted, if what happened to Chris Dorner would have been dealt with the right way when he was 6 years old.  But 6 year old hearts are very tender, as are all young hearts.  And my heart hurts for the 6 year old Chris Dorner.  But as for the 33 year old Chris Dorner, let's pray that he is found quickly, so that no more innocent lives are taken.

A Letter to All Mothers

Tweet

Sometimes, at the end of the day, all of our mistakes pile upon our heads. They leave us feeling guilty and alone, like a failure.  All of us have days like that - some of us have weeks and months like that.  It is in those moments, in the quietness of the house, that we can become our worst enemies.  We so desperately long for someone to come alongside us and see us, to hear us, to know us.

Source

We know that He is there, that He sees, that He knows, but we don't feel it.  And sometimes we just need to feel Him there.

So tonight, if you need a friend, this is what I would say to you:

To the mom who is feeling alone tonight...
   You are not alone. You can do this.  We are here.  We are all in this together.

To the mom who is exhausted and just trying to find 5 minutes to herself...
    You are amazing.  Just breathe. Know that you are loved.

To the mom who is worried about her child...
     God knows. He sees. He has not left you alone. He will guide you.

To the mom who feels guilty...
     Tomorrow is a new day. Give yourself grace.  There are no perfect mothers.

To the mom who wants to give up....
     This is hard. You feel like a failure, but you're not.  His grace is sufficient.

To the mom who feels unseen....
     We see you- the community of mothers.  Your hard work may go unnoticed by tiny hands, but it      does not go unnoticed by the hands who created you.

To the mom who is angry...
     Your feelings matter. This test will not last forever. You are loved.


What is something you wish someone would say to you?

When the World is Falling Apart

Tweet

Sometimes, when we hear of something terrible happening in the world, we want to know more.  We want information. We want to know why. We want to empathize with the people who are suffering.

So we turn on the television, the news, the radio - anything where we can get the latest updates, to stay informed, to be aware.

Our hearts ache, we long to help, we wish we were closer to offer a loving embrace and some assistance, even in a small way.

 ABC News

But it can also be distracting.  The very things we turn to in order to help us feel connected can turn against us. The pictures can get lodged in our minds, the cries for help can haunt us at night.  And we begin to fear....and to fear....and to fear.

How we respond is crucial, for little eyes are watching us. Little eyes that trust, that believe in good, that want to live life with freedom.

So is the answer to shut everything off and just shelter our children, and never let them know of the evil going on outside?  Would that be helpful?

As tempted as I am to turn on the news (because I am an information addict), the house is eerily quiet today.  My children do not know what has happened yet.  They are still at school, hearing stories and reading books, their minds in far-away lands of fairy tales and make believe.

What I do with this situation will also stick in their minds forever. How do I tell them?  How much should I say?  Should I show them the truth?

Yet I know that as a mother, it is my job to guard their hearts, to protect them, to shield them from evil as long as I possibly can.

So today, while they are 5 and 7, I will prayerfully consider these things. I do not want to instill fear in my children, but faith that the world can still be good, that people can still be trusted, that God will protect them in their comings and goings.  There will still be many occasions for them to learn about evil in the world. But for today, I may just shield them one more time.

And maybe, with the silence of the television and news being off, I can use that time to pray, because often I spend more time getting informed than I actually do praying for the situation.

If your children already know of this situation or you plan on sharing it with them, head over to Beth's blog at Home Stories A to Z to read her advice on How to Talk to Your Kids About School Shootings. As a former school counselor, she knows.

In the Waiting Room

Tweet

"They think I might have cancer," she said softly.  "Will you go with me when I find out?"

How could I say no?  This woman, although she is 20 years my senior, is my friend. There was no place I'd rather be, than holding her hand when she would hear the results of her many tests. "It would be my honor," I replied, humbled that she would ask me to be there with her.

As a ministry leader and pastor's wife, it is not uncommon for me to be in hospitals; in fact, it has become familiar territory.  But today was different.  This wasn't some stranger I was visiting; this was my friend. This was my son's Sunday School teacher.

So today we went, along with another friend from church.  We crowded into the small room, the 3 of us and the doctor, as he explained the results.  "It is colon cancer," he said, "Stage 4."  "It has spread."

Tears were shed. Questions were asked. We waited...and waited...and waited...until she was admitted to the hospital.


And, like many things in life, we sit in the unknown.  We sit in the waiting room of life, wondering what will happen.  We trust in our God, that His ways are not our ways, and we wait on Him.


Yet we see Him at work, even in the waiting room. As we sat for 3 hours in the hallway, she lying on a gurney and me resting in her wheelchair, I remembered something.  In my purse was a copy of "Jesus Calling," a book I felt led to give to her. I had pulled the ribbon bookmark to February 16th, because I felt that particular day would really minister to her.  She took one look and smiled.  You see, last weekend, her other friend gave her the book as well.  The first day she had opened to and read was February 16th.  This is what it said:

Thank Me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Some of the greatest works in My kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells.  Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to me.

You see, even in the waiting room, God is at work.  We may not understand His ways, or His plan, but we can take comfort in the fact that, at the very least, He is there.

Whatever waiting room you are in, remember that He is with you, waiting with you.

Change

Tweet

January 1st came and went, and I've barely had time to stop and reflect on 2011 yet.  These past 2 weeks flew by so fast, and we had so much activity going on, that all my free time was just spent catching up on much-needed sleep!  I'm so thankful for the time we had together as a family and with friends.

These past 3 days have been the hardest; getting back into the daily schedule and starting school again.

In the midst of all of that, yesterday I started a new job!  I'd been looking for something for over a month, and just the right opportunity came along. I'll be working as an administrative assistant for a counseling center, part-time there and part-time at home, and only about 10 hours a week.

It has been an exciting week, but also draining, and I feel those familiar body aches and sore throat that signal I have been a bit stressed and need to recoop for a few days.

Today I was thinking about change, and how even when change is good, it can be hard.

In December our church consolidated with another church - a huge change. We are now meeting at a new building, have different service times, different responsibilities, and are meeting a lot of new people.  Good, but hard.

Yesterday I went to work and felt good about it, but today felt more emotional.  I realize that this is my last "semester" with Jaden at home before he enters Kindergarten.  I cherish my times with him. Although I need to work (and want to), there is a little twinge of guilt every time I leave him.  Sure, he's in school on the mornings I work, but I've always been the one to drop him off and pick him up, and I won't always be able to do that now.  Again, good change, but hard.

The past two weeks we cleaned up a lot and got rid of Jaden's old car seats. We officially bumped him up into a booster seat, and he loves it.  Just a small change, but it reminds us that he is growing up and leaving the baby stage behind.

As my boys are leaving my side a little more these days, I see that we are entering a brand new stage.  A stage that is good, but hard.  It is always hard to watch your babies grow up and need you a little bit less.

The next two months I'll be focused on working and preparing for the Re:Write Conference in March.  I'm finishing a book proposal and entering a writing contest, and it is taking a ton of energy and focus.  Good, but hard!

We are only 3 days into 2012 and I see that this is already a year of change and growth.  This is really interesting, because last December I wrote about how I saw 2011 as a year of change.  It was a year of change, but 2012 might be even more of that!

What change are you currently going through and how are you feeling about it?

Out of My Control

Tweet

Do you ever feel like God is continually trying to teach you that you are not in control?  I am in that season, and it is tough sometimes.  It seems like every day I'm faced with some new challenge that reminds me that I am not in control of my life, and I just need to deal with it.

Take Thanksgiving day, for instance. I planned ahead and ordered our family meal from Sprouts this year.  Confirmation letter received, I was to pick up our meal on Thanksgiving Day at 10am.  We decided to go as a family to pick it up, but when we arrived we found no cars in the parking lot.  "Warning - Warning!!" my mind started to shout.  Martin parked the car and I rushed to the front doors.  They were locked.  Nobody was inside.  I stood there for probably five minutes with my face and hands pressed to the glass doors, looking inside for any signs of life.  Nothing.  Nobody.

I walked back to the car, fighting back tears.  I was so confused and overwhelmed.  Just the thought of having to go to a grocery store and pick up a 12-pound frozen turkey with all the fixin's was enough to make me have a nervous breakdown.  We sat in the car and tried to figure out what went wrong.  After the 10 minute drive back home, I checked my email again, and then made a phone call to Henry's Market.  The man on the phone read my name and order right back to me, and said it was there waiting for me.  Henry's and Sprouts recently merged, and both addresses were on the same street within 1 block from each other.  PHEW!  I cannot tell you how relieved I was!

Back in the car we went, and I just about kissed the deli guy who worked there.  I was SO happy!  The whole "charade" took about an hour because of driving back and forth to the house.  During that time, I felt so helpless, so mad, so frustrated.  But it all worked out in the end.  Once again, something was out of my control, and I just had to wait.

It is a test of character, waiting is.  A test of our faith.  A test of perseverance and patience.

Something else happened out of my control this month. Our church decided to consolidate with another church.  That might not be a huge deal to some, but when your husband is one of the pastors of the church, it is a huge deal.  It means his job will be changing a bit, he will have even more responsibility, our time together as a family will be affected.  It means that we're leaving our building and the comfortability of the church we've known and loved for 9 years, and we're going somewhere new.  Change is hard.

It is a test of character, change is.  A test of our faith.  A test of perseverance and patience.

Tomorrow is our last Sunday at our church, before we all move together to the new church.  Our "family" of 150 is growing to 350.  Our staff of 3 is growing to a staff of 6.  The faces I have come to know will be mixed in with 200 faces I don't know.  Once again, I'm faced with a situation that is out of my control, and it is scary.

I know more situations will come that are out of my control; in fact, this is only 2 of hundreds that have happened this year.  But with each situation, I hope and pray that my character is deepening, my patience is growing stronger, my trust is becoming more secure.

Tonight I'm thankful that when things feel out of control, I can put my trust in the One who is in control.

Whatever situation you are in that is out of your control, take a moment to stop and breathe. With every breath you take, say "I will trust in You."  We are learning valuable lessons, and although they are not fun, they are drawing us closer to Him.

Psalm 73:28
"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

Divorce

Tweet

Last year I wrote about my interaction with a little girl from Micah's school who was being made fun of and said she had no friends. This little girl (whom I will call "Lucy") continued to find me after school each day, smiling at me and waving each time I saw her.  One day I was out walking our neighborhood, and noticed that she lived right down the street from me. Her mother and I talked and continued to converse every time we saw each other after school.  We were neighbors, fellow moms of kindergartners, and becoming friends.

Today we were driving down the street and saw random strangers inside of Lucy's garage, piling up all of her family's belongings into black trashbags and loading them into a truck.  A "For Rent" sign was erected in the front yard: 4 bedroom, 2 bath house - available immediately.  I was trying to make sense of it all - seeing these people in their garage, throwing their stuff on the curb for the trash man, including a ton of baby and child items, told me something was wrong.  This was Lucy's stuff.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.  We drove by 4 times.  We asked how much the house was for rent (mainly just to see if the people were burglars or not).  Nope, it was the landlord in the garage.  I came home and tried to scour Facebook, trying to find traces of Lucy's mom and dad.  I found them.  Her page was public, her wall was visible for everyone to see.  Over two months of status updates having to do with sadness, depression, confusion, and transition.  She announced she was taking her kids and moving out of state.  She wrote that she had "lost Joe."  Well, I saw Joe last Saturday, so I know he's still around.   After reading for a bit, it became obvious - she is going through a divorce.

I was so saddened for her, and for Lucy and her 3 siblings.  I know I will probably never see them again.  
It made me think of my other friends who have gone through divorces - so many of them now.  Most of them have children.  Every single time, it saddens my heart, as I know it saddens theirs.

This September 18th, Martin and I will celebrate 12 years of marriage.  We don't pretend to have it all together.  We are two completely opposite people who daily have to lay down our wills and our desires for the other.  I know most people say they are opposites, but people - WE are opposites.  It is true that opposites attract, and it is true that these marriages require work.  LOTS of work :)

The other day someone asked how long we have been married and then replied, "Wow!  How did you do that?"  The truth is, we don't have any magic answer.  We love the Lord, and we do our best to put Him first in our lives.  Yet many of our friends who have been divorced love the Lord too.

No one is immune to divorce, and the minute you think you are immune, that is when your marriage can begin to spiral downward- because you are no longer protecting yourself.

So what is our secret?  I wish I knew.  Maybe in another 12 years I'll have some more insight into that question.  What I do know is that love is a daily choice.  We have not had to face infidelity or addiction or betrayal in our relationship, which makes a huge difference.  We have had a few marriage counselors over the years who were incredible, and I credit them for the fact that we are still together through our ups and downs.  But if you are in a place of uncertainty, I wanted to pass on a few resources that might be encouraging to you. There are people who want to help you make it work, but you have to be willing to reach out for help. It is scary opening up your life to others, but it is worth it.

I hope these resources will strengthen and encourage you, wherever you are at in your marriage.  Read these stories, and take hope...

True Relationships - a ministry run by my former pastor and his wife.  They do conferences, counseling, and have a video series that is incredible.

Family Life - we have gone to 2 of their Weekend to Remember conferences, and they are amazing.  Pastors even go free!

Leading and Loving It - this is a ministry geared for pastor's wives and female ministry leaders.  They have a section of their website devoted to hurting marriages.  You can read their stories of hurt, betrayal, and restoration.

Sarah Markley - you can visit her website and read about her journey into infidelity, and how God enabled her husband to forgive her.  Watch the video where their story was featured on CBN.

These are just a few of the resources out there...if you have any that you would recommend, please leave a comment and let us all know.  There are people all over the world who are fighting for their marriages...and winning.  Don't give up.

Why Women are Leaving Church

Tweet

The other day I read an article by the Barna Group about Women and Faith.  In their research, they found that since 1991, church attendance by women has dropped 11% and weekly Bible reading has plummeted by 10% - to just 4 out of 10 women.  The saddest statistic was this:

"The only religious behavior that increased among women in the last 20 years was becoming unchurched."

That statistic was raised by 17%. However, there was an increase in women who say that Jesus Christ is their personal Lord and Savior - an increase from 38% in 1991 to 44% in 2011.

While the same study was conducted on men as well, the findings were not as drastic as the women's statistics.

So why are more women professing to be believers, yet not involved- or even attending- their local churches?

I read through 52 comments on this study, and came up with a few theories of my own. I'm not saying these are all true, but in 15 years of working in ministry, these are a few of the things I have seen:

- Women are relational.  If they have been hurt by someone in the church, they are less likely to get involved again.  Many stop going to church all together.  In addition, with the rise of technology, women are communicating online more than ever.  Tonight on KKLA, Dr. Larry Rosen, who is an expert in technological psychology shared that with the rise of online communication, many people are connecting less in person. Online relationships often replace personal contact.  This may also make women stay away from church; they simply just don't see the need, as they are in contact with their friends in other ways.

- Women feel overworked at church.  If a woman is working all week long, and then feels the pressure to give more of her time and effort at church, she may feel it is easier just to stay home.  Some women give and give and give, feeling guilty if they say no, and eventually they get extremely burned out in ministry and don't have anything left to give.  It is the church's responsibility to give volunteers times and seasons to rest, as well as make sure that one person isn't doing 10 different jobs.  Small churches in particular need more help, but it should never be at the expense of an overworked volunteer.

- Men are not spiritually leading their wives.  Many women want to go to church, but their husbands don't.  I personally know of many, many women in this situation.  Maybe the woman married an unbeliever, or maybe she & her husband have different styles of worshipping.  Either way, if a woman feels she has to beg and plead with her husband to go to church, she may just give up altogether.  I cannot tell you the many conversations I have had with brokenhearted wives who show up at church alone.  It takes a lot of strength to continue going to church, especially with your children, without the support of your spouse.  Men, it's time to step up.

- Women are frustrated.  Maybe they have leadership gifts, yet feel their gifts are not valued by their church.  They are continually told that their role should be something else.  They are not encouraged, and so they don't feel valued.  Many times these women are leaders in their communities, yet are not given the same opportunities in their churches.  One commenter said, "The fact that many churches and parachurch organizations emphasize males as automatic leaders (an unbiblical view) and bar women from leadership roles (including that of pastor) also are turning more women off. If we want to keep from losing women, perhaps we need to take a fresh look at scripture and how Jesus treated women and adjust accordingly."

- Women are busy.  Society has told us that other things are more important, and we have believed it.  We will sign our kids up for after school classes, multiple sports, playdates, etc.. and pretty soon we have crowded out time for church.  It is just not a priority anymore.  Friends, let me tell you - if you are not involved in church right now, at least get involved for your children. Your children need to see your family place an importance on going to church together, on worshipping together, on fellowshipping with other believers together.  Your kids need the consistency of learning about God as a family, even if they go to Christian school.  Christian school is not church.  Home school is also not church. (Take it from me, I was a Bible teacher at a Christian school.)

- A lack of childcare or Sunday School.  This is probably the #1 thing moms are most concerned about when visiting a church.  If the children's ministry is low-functioning, or barely there, moms will be less likely to return.  However, this should not be an excuse for not going to church. There are other churches out there with tremendous kids' programs - find one.   This is of particular importance for single mothers, who need good quality children's ministry so they can relax and be fed when they attend church - which may be the only break they have.

- Some women don't think they need church. This is classic. Women are professional "know it all's" (I'm one myself), and if we've grown up in the church or participated in XX number of Bible studies or retreats, we think we know it all.  We make up excuses as to why we don't need to go to church anymore.  This is a sinful mentality - a consumerist mentality.  This is a person who says, "I go to church for what I get out of it.  Since I don't get anything out of it, I won't go." Instead, we should have the attitude that we are a part of the Body of Christ, and the Body is less effective when even one of it's members is missing.  This is the beginning of a hardened heart - one that thinks it doesn't need what Christ has commanded.

I fully understand that there are "house churches" and missional communities that may not fit the traditional church model. The point is that we are all to be in community with one another, on a regular basis, in a place where we can weekly be fed spiritually and serve others, using our spiritual gifts.  I won't extend this post by including the many, many Scriptures that exhort us to do this.

My point is that we should look at the reasons many women are not attending church, as well as the excuses we make for ourselves.  If we know of women not attending church, let's do what we can to address their needs and invite them back.  If you are a women who is not attending church (yet is a believer), examine your heart and ask God to lead you to the right place.

I'm curious to hear your own theories as to Barna's study and why less women are attending church. Leave a comment and let me know. Are my own theories on or off the mark?  I would love to hear from you.

Casting our Cares Upon Him

Tweet

When I was a kid, I listened to records of "Psalty the Singing Songbook."  Psalty was a large blue hymnal-person-thingy that would hang out with kids and sing songs with them.  He was kindof like Barney, but a weird looking book.  For some reason I don't think people would respond to Psalty today like they did back in the 80's. :)

Anyway, I LOVED listening to Psalty. I knew every song, and I dreamed of being a kid on the Psalty videotapes.  But there was one song I loved more than any other song:  "I Cast All My Cares Upon You."  I remember singing this song every time I was scared or felt sad.

To this day, this song comes to my mind frequently. Tonight I was reminded once again of this song.

This past 2 weeks I have had to deal with a situation that is so big, so overwhelming, that I had no other option but to lay it at God's feet.  You know those problems you have in life that just immediately lead you to pray, because you know it is not humanly possible to handle it?  This situation does not involve me or my family, but someone I care for greatly.  I am really the only person bearing her burdens right now, and her life has become my life for the past 2 weeks.  I find that this situation is on my mind every single minute, and affecting every single thing I do.

At first, laying it down at God's feet was easy.  It was the natural thing to do.  It was the "of course" option.  Then a few other people got involved who helped carry the load.  It was nice having them to lean on and talk with about the situation.  I found that they were helping me to bear the burdens which I felt so heavily weighed on my shoulders.  And as I relied more on them, I found myself relying less on prayer.  Then today, I felt the weight completely on my own shoulders again, as though I was handling this all on my own.  I realized that I did 3 things:

1) I first trusted in God, and put all my faith in Him.

2) Then I started to put my trust in other people, and rely on them for strength.

3) Then I started to put my trust in myself, that I could handle this in my own strength

The weight felt oppressive.  It felt heavy.  It made me tired.  I couldn't focus. I got mad.  I said things I shouldn't have said.  And I took the load away from God, and away from others, and put it all on myself, and that's when things turned ugly.

How many times do we do this to ourselves?  So tonight, 25 years after I first heard that song, it played softly in my heart again, because the words are so true. When we are faced with a situation that is so big, so overwhelming, so troubling...this is what we need to do:

I cast all my cares upon you
I lay all of my burdens
Down at your feet
And any time, I don't know
What to do
I will cast all my cares upon you

Today if you're facing a hard situation, instead of trying to talk to others about it and let them carry the load with you, or trying to handle it on your own, cast all of your cares upon Him.  

_____________

P.S. If you were a fan of Psalty, you have to check out this funny video that Saddleback did about Psalty- a parody of VH1's "Behind the Music":  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XHFBZ8E4nQ

In Case You're Wondering

Tweet

Sometimes people wonder what pastors do.  They ask questions like "what do you do all day?" and get frustrated if you're not always in the office.  My own pastor even received prank calls almost every day for a year with an anonymous person leaving him a voicemail asking, "Where are yoooouuuuu???"  Strange.

Pastors have an extremely hard job. They are daily faced with people in need asking them for help, as well as constantly facing criticism.  "The music is too loud!"  "The preaching is too soft!"  "The chairs are too hard!" and other nonsense.  Very few pastors receive encouragement and most receive complaints more than anything. People can be critical and just plain mean.  However, despite those obstacles, this job is also very fulfilling.  There is nothing better than knowing you are right where God wants you to be, doing what He wants you to do.  It is an amazing privilege serving people and caring for their needs: emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

My husband and I have both served as pastors on staff at our church in different capacities for over 11 years. SO - in case you were wondering, here is what the last 48 hours have held for me personally, not to mention my husband who is also a pastor (actually paid for it) and deals with way more than I do:

Saturday
8:00am- take church member to get her car fixed
10:00am- have a Skype call with a former youth group member who is in Israel
10:30am- leave to go pick up car that was fixed, along with previous church member
11:00am- talk with church member about life and God
12:00pm- head to store for groceries for a get together later
1:00pm- lunch and clean house
3:00pm- leave for dinner at a dear friend's house
4:00pm-9:00pm - have dinner with dear friends- food for our soul.
11:00pm- remember that I have to teach Sunday School in the morning and pour over curriculum in bed.

Sunday
8:00am- get boys ready for church, keep them from destroying their church clothes until we leave
9:00am- run to the store to pick up a gift for church member
9:30am- arrive at church and set up for Sunday School
10:00-11:30am- teach Sunday School and lead worship for Sunday School
11:30-12:30pm- fellowship with people from church
1:00pm- lunch and try to nap, but fail to nap due to loud 4 year old
2:00pm - spend the rest of the day in a coma trying to recover from the busy morning.  Way too much socializing for me! :)
4:00pm-8:00pm- spend time helping a person from church who is in an emergency situation
11:00pm- crash into bed

Monday
2:00am- receive a phone call in the middle of the night from a church member who needs a place to stay
2:30am- welcome church member into home, making her a bed on the couch
2:30-3:30am- lay in bed wide awake
7:00am- wake up to head to court with church member who is on the couch
8:00am-12:00pm- sit in court with church member.  She is devastated from the ruling.  Console and counsel.
1:00pm- have lunch with church member, pray, provide her with resources...

Finally things slowed down and we were able to enjoy a nice afternoon with great friends. We went to the beach and had dinner- just what we needed after a rough 2 days.

As exhausting as some of these things can be, they are also so rewarding. God supernaturally gives you the strength you need, the wisdom you need, and the resources you need to minister to people who are hurting.  You find that you're able to touch lives out of your own life experiences and pain.  God is faithful to use your own weaknesses for His glory.  We are privileged to serve God in this capacity and feel honored that He uses us in this way.  He can use you, too - you don't have to be a pastor or a minister with a title. We are all ministers of Christ if we have Him in our hearts.  Ask Him how he wants to use you today - it is a great adventure and so worth every moment!

PandaMania!

Tweet

This week Micah and Jaden attended their first ever Vacation Bible School.  The theme was PandaMania, and many churches in our area chose this curriculum.  There were over 300 kids who attended this church's VBS, and on the first day the director asked the kids if any of them knew what kind of noise a panda makes.  A little boy raised his hand and she called him to the stage.  Because he was Asian, we all assumed he had seen one in Japan.  He did his best panda impersonation, and the director asked where he had heard a panda before.  He replied, "Oh, I went to another Pandamania VBS last week!"  Turns out that quite a few kids had "made the rounds" at the local VBS's! :)

The boys loved going each day, although Jaden was more apprehensive and never wanted to participate in the worship service.  Here is a video I took of one of the worship services.  It was awesome seeing them all worship together:

(If you wait you can see my boys towards the end)

On the last day, I bought the video of all the worship songs that they had been singing all week.  We brought it home and the boys wanted to watch it over and over.  Little did I know it would turn into "interrogation hour," where they asked me about every single detail of every single song.  Take this song, for instance:



Questions Micah had about the video  (asked the whole time it was playing):

"Mom, why are those kids in the jungle?"
"How did they get there?"
"Did they have to go on the freeway?"
"How long are they staying for?"
"Where are their parents?"
"Why are they singing in the jungle?"
"Do they live there?"
"Who is playing the drums?"
"There are no power lines in the jungle, mom!"

So funny - he is my little thinker.  I'm so thankful that they had a great week learning more about God's love!

Simplifying Life

Tweet

Today on Twitter, Tsh from Simple Mom asked a good question - "what is the one most important thing you do to simplify your life?"  My friend Jenny replied, "Just say no."  Such good advice, which I forget every few days, and then am reminded of again...over and over in my life.

For the past three weeks I have felt like my life has become a little quieter, and it has felt good.  I couldn't figure it out at first. Then I noticed that the ringer on my cell phone was broken, and it would only vibrate.  Come to find out all external sound on my phone would not work. Suddenly, I couldn't talk on the phone while driving because my headset wouldn't work on my phone.  I couldn't answer the phone in a store because I never heard it ring.  I didn't even know someone called me unless my phone vibrated while it was in my pocket.  Then at home, our wireless phone sets need to be replaced since the batteries keep dying mid-conversation.  I've made a lot less phone calls, knowing the phone would probably die. That means a lot less talking has been going on for almost a month now.  Something about all of this felt like things were being simplified.

This all got me thinking to how I should simplify in other ways in my life.  This one small thing made a difference in my mind - my mind has felt less chaotic since I haven't been trying to multi-task so much.  My thinking is clearer, and I feel a little less stressed.

Here are other ways I have found to simplify my life:

-Running less errands. So many of the errands I run are unnecessary. I just want to spend money. I just want to "look."  I just want to get out of the house.  But running errands means more traffic, more money spent, and more frustration.

-Spending less.  Another way to simplify.  Less time is spent balancing the checkbook, less time is spent shopping or eating out, and it is way less stressful.  Can I get a witness?!  (Unless of course you don't have any money to spend, that is very stressful, and I know all about that too.  But I'm talking about spending less - even at the Dollar Tree - on things we don't really need)

-Going online less.  I am the biggest offender of this, because I am online all of the time (I just keep the internet open and happen to walk by it all day).  However, I find that the more I'm online, the more stressed out I feel. Not sure why, but I know I see a correlation in my own life.  I also get a lot less done.

I can also simplify my life by going to bed earlier.

Today at the gym I turned the TV off on the two machines I worked out on.  Sometimes simplifying just means less noise;  less traffic flowing in and out of my head; less congestion in my thoughts.

Of course, I am continually reminded as well that God can speak to us more clearly when we are focused on Him and reading his Word.  Yet I think we cannot always hear Him clearly if our minds are too busy.

My goal for this week is to simplify more - starting with my mind.

How about you - what do you do to simplify your life?

A Longing to Influence

Tweet

Technology can be a beautiful thing.  It can also be a very discouraging thing.  It is beautiful because it allows us to keep in touch with people and even get to know people that we'd have no way of staying in contact with otherwise.  It is discouraging for hundreds of reasons, but one being that when you are a stay-at-home mom, you see what everyone else is doing and you feel like...a nobody.

I follow various women leaders online.  Leaders who are doing amazing things.  Many of them are raising families at the same time they are spreading the love of Christ with the world.  Women like:

-Christine Caine- leader of Equip and Empower Ministries
-Lysa TerKheurst- author and speaker
-Jo Saxton- director of 3D ministries, speaker and author
-Beth Moore- teacher extraordinnaire
-Kay Warren- raising awareness about adoption and the HIV/AIDS crisis through her ministry.
-Lori Wilhite- leading a ministry to women leaders and pastor's wives called "Leading and Loving It"

Almost daily, through technology, I am hearing about these amazing ministries and women behind them.  They are changing lives through their home offices, through their blogs, through their speaking engagements....and I think, "How I long to do that! How I long to be used by God to change lives!"  Indeed, I would love someday to write a book, and be called upon to speak to the masses, not for my own glory, but because lives need changing, people need encouraging, and young women need older women to look up to.

Yet when I think of all the needs out there, I get overwhelmed.  I have such a heart for:

-training and developing leaders
-raising up women in ministry
-encouraging young ladies
-the orphans
-sex trafficking
-babies and children who are abused
-kids in the foster care system
-moms who need encouragement

I'm also reminded that right now, in my own backyard, is a need for a mother's group, specifically to ages 5+ (MOMS Next, perhaps).  Right now, in my own backyard, is a need for a network of women in ministry.  Right now, in my own backyard, are kids who need foster homes.  Yet I feel overwhelmed by what's going on in my own house - my low patience for my own two children (ages 4 and 6) who require my time and energy right now.  I get lost in a fog of all of the needs out there, and sink deeper into my couch wondering if I'll ever really be able to do anything to help.  I lose motivation fast when I look at the pile of laundry on my left and the mess of toys on my right.  I wonder if I'll ever be able to start anything, when I can't even finish a sentence without being interrupted.  (Even as I sit here typing, the boys are playing with toys on my desk giving me little room to move my arms) :)

Writing, speaking, traveling, starting things up....all areas my heart beats for, yet I feel the needs at home so strongly.  I struggle with comparing myself to these great women who are able to balance it all and do what they love.  For some reason I haven't been called to do that...yet.

Maybe you are like me, frustrated at times, trying to stay faithful to what's been given you, and praying for direction.  I have to remember that "the need is not always the call."  I also need to examine my own motives - why do I want to do these things?  For personal recognition?  To help people out of my own selfish needs or insecurities?  Because if that is in my heart at all, then I hope the doors will close for me.

For now, I pour my heart into the young girl who was in my home last week - who is a single mother struggling to keep her head above water.  I pour my heart into another young girl who is seeking for a mentor.  I pour my heart into the people I run into at the grocery market, and my neighbors, and the moms of the kids in my son's class.  I pour my heart into my own kids, and especially into my husband, so that he can minister more effectively.

I have to believe that these seasons serve a great purpose; that God is doing heart-surgery to refine things in us that would otherwise fester.  And I have to be okay with the fact that this is all I might end up doing, and that's okay.  God didn't call most of us to be well-known, or write books, or travel the world and speak.  In fact, most of the time He calls us to lay down our greatest desires so they won't become greater than our desire for Him. So for now, I wait.  I am reminded that God doesn't call us to be like other people; He calls us to be faithful to Him.

What does your heart beat for?

Okay, God, But....

Tweet

Have you ever had this conversation with God:

"God, I will do what you have called me to do, BUT...."
"God, I will go wherever you want me to go, BUT...."
"God, I will share your love with whoever you want me to, BUT....."
"God, I will forgive whoever I should forgive, BUT...."

I remember being in college, packed in the cafeteria at 9pm on a Wednesday night, wall to wall with sweaty students singing their hearts out to God, hands lifted high, not fearing anything that life would bring outside of those 4 walls, crying out to God that we would serve Him, follow Him, and do whatever He would want us to do with our lives.  We longed for His power, and we said we'd be obedient.

Then life happened.  We graduated.  We couldn't figure out what we were supposed to do with our lives next.  We got married.  We had babies.  We got jobs.  Day to day life happened.  Life felt boring at times.  Our dreams, our callings, our passions became fading memories. We wondered if they were ever really real at all.

Then bad things started happening - affairs, divorces, kids got sick, family members died, friendships were forgotten, jobs were lost, finances were tight.  And we lost our innocence.

Somewhere our prayers changed.  They became more about "me" and less about "Him."   They became more about our agendas and less about His.  They became more about our wants than about our blessings. They became more desperate and worried, and less hopeful and trusting.

And that's when the "Buts" started:  The "But God, don't make me do this."  "But God, don't make me go there."  "But God, don't make me forgive that person."  Our trust was broken.  Our trust was not broken by God, but by ourselves.  We put our trust in ourselves, let ourselves down, and then blamed God for it.

The past two days I have been convicted of these things.  May I take the "but" out of my prayers, out of my thoughts, out of my life.  It is only then that I will be free.  It is only then that we will be free.

The In-Between

Tweet

Amy Grant used to have this song called "The Now & Not Yet."  That song has come out of a decade long sleep in my head (actually it was about 2 decades ago) and has been playing in my mind for the past two weeks  The chorus goes something like this:

But I'm caught in between
The now and the not yet;
Sometimes it seems like
Forever and ever,
That I've been reaching to be
All that I am,
But I'm only a few steps nearer,
Yet I'm nearer....


This describes my life lately.  Wait, it always describes my life.  Don't you always feel as though you are constantly caught "in-between" something happening?

It is on these days that we long for change.  Our dreams are on pause.  Life feels that it is moving fast in some ways, yet so slow in other ways.  This phase feels long.  We sometimes cease to feel the presence of God.  Yet He is there.

This past Sunday I had the privilege of speaking at my church. I spoke on "Detours" in our lives and how we can respond through those detours.  The passage I shared was from Numbers 14: 20-24, where Caleb was described by God as having a "different spirit and following [God] wholeheartedly." (If you'd like to hear the message, go to this website and scroll until you find the "Detour Ahead" message).  After 40 years of wandering in the wilderness with over 2 million people, only 2 men were allowed to enter the Promised Land: Joshua and Caleb.  Only these 2 men, out of 2 million people, had the right perspective and attitude about their detour.  As I prepared for that message, I felt like I was preparing it specifically for me.  I have not had the attitude of Caleb.  Instead, I've had the attitude of the Israelites: whining, complaining, questioning, and being impatient.  But Caleb had a different spirit, and I want that.

The reality is, not only do we have detours in life, but this entire life IS a detour.  We are on our way to spend an eternity in heaven, and this is not our home.  This entire life IS the in-between.  So we should not lose heart when we feel another detour has happened, or another dream is on hold, or we have to wait another day for our hope to be realized.  We should not lose heart when we feel that we are constantly living in the in-between.  This should only make our hearts yearn for heaven even more.

May we be able to have the spirit of Caleb, who followed the Lord wholeheartedly, whether we are on a detour, or in the "in-between".

Reflections on Kindergarten at a Public School

Tweet

Last year at this time, I was freaking out.  Kindergarten Roundup was happening at our local public school, so we took Micah because we were checking out all of our options.  Option #1 was private (Christian) school, option #2 was public school, and option #3 was homeschool (and I often flipped around #2 and #3).  We went to kindergarten roundup and I was in tears - I could not imagine sending my baby to school for 6 hours a day, under the care of some stranger I had never met.  I was worried about everything - the influences, the lack of supervision, the schedule, the food in the cafeteria, where the bathrooms were, and on and on and on.

Yesterday I saw parents at the school for Kindergarten Roundup again, and it all came back to me.

The first few months of school were torture for me.  I cried almost every day.  This was not what I wanted for my child.  Yet in my heart I felt that he was supposed to be there - even more than he was supposed to be with me at home (which would have been a nightmare, I might add).  I knew that this journey was a faith-step for me that I needed to take.  I needed to trust God with my child.  I needed to believe that God was bigger than any obstacle we might face in public school.

If you recall any of my previous posts about this topic, you already know that we have struggled the whole year.  He has been fine. He has enjoyed going to school, and he has a strong group of friends.  In fact, he is doing excellent. I, however, have wrestled with God, almost daily, for coming on 9 months now.  Despite the fact that I've been worried about the lack of instruction happening (just in his class, not in the others), God has continually showed me a few things.  I hope this encourages those of you who also might face a situation like this.

1 - Public school is not the enemy.  Certain websites told me it was.  Certain books told me it was.  Even well-meaning parents told me it was.  But I have learned that public school is not the enemy.  In fact, there are amazing teachers there, and many of them love Jesus.  Our school had massive budget cuts that took each class up to 30 students, moved teachers around, and caused some general chaos. But I still remain convinced that much good still happens there.  The students are learning, not only from amazing teachers, but from each other.  And that brings me to my second point.

2- Public school students are not the enemy.  Sure, I was afraid that my kid would come home and drop the F-bomb after hearing it from some other mouthy kid.  But that never happened.  Yes, in the first month, Micah did come home and quietly said a cuss word he had overheard.  But somehow, even though he had never heard that word before, he knew it was wrong, and that's why he whispered it.  We had a good conversation about honoring God with our mouths.  That was the only instance I heard of a child cussing (and that kid was in another grade), and my husband and I are in the class several times a week.  A few weeks ago, I took the boys to the beach where they heard a kid next to them repeat several cuss words.  They heard more from that kid than Micah heard at his own school.  Public school kids are from all sorts of homes, including good homes.  But many of these kids are also from homes where parents are not good examples, and they desperately need good examples around them.

3 - Public school has much good to offer.  You may be surprised to hear me say that after the year we've had - a year of numerous meetings with the principal and with other parents due to circumstances we have not been happy with.  YET, I will still say that Micah has been afforded opportunities that are fun and educational, and I cannot think of another environment where he would have gotten to do those same things.  He has also made great friends with most kids in the class, 4 boys in particular who love playing together. They are all good boys, I know all of their parents, and we get together outside of school too.  (His best friend in his class is a boy who he went to preschool with, who happens to live down the street, and his parents are involved in their church, too - this alone was an answer to prayer, and a way that God was reassuring me that we are where we're supposed to be.)

4 - Do not avoid public school simply because of your own fears.  This is where your faith kicks in.  Everyone has to make their own decision about what is best for them.  For us, we wanted Micah to go to a school in our community where we could form relationships and be a witness.  We have had to daily overcome our own fears and trust in God to keep Micah safe and secure.  God has answered our prayers and proven that He is with Micah at all times.  Micah has been protected, he has been happy, he has been safe - despite my fears that something could happen to him.  This year has been more of a step of faith for me than anyone.  It has grown me, stretched me and exercised my faith in ways I didn't even want, but needed.

5 - The kids in public schools need good, Godly influences.   Micah has told me about his conversations with one boy, who I will call John.  John's family is from another country and they do not believe in Jesus.  John told Micah about what his family believes, and Micah told John what we believe. This boy had never heard of Jesus before.  I overheard them talking just this week and Micah said, "Jesus is God's son!"  Now, we have never pressured Micah to witness or even spoken with him that much about it, but it just comes naturally to him - and now this little boy has heard the name of Jesus.  

I know every single child in this class, and my heart breaks for them. Today I read a quote that says, "There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own." (Robert Brault)  When I read this quote, I immediately thought of all the kids in Micah's class. I love them, care for them, and want them to know Jesus.

I also know most of them have never been to church.  But when they come to me crying, I say things like "I will pray for you!" I give them hugs and just try to show them God's love. I still remember one little girl who was being made fun of; I had her come sit by me (she was from another class), and she had a crucifix necklace on.  I just asked her what her necklace meant and who was on it. She didn't even know.  I pray for that girl now, and her face lights up when she sees me.  

Most people I share this with say things like, "Oh, wow, it's so good that you are there!"  I don't see it that way.  I feel that we are all called to reach the kids and families that God puts in our lives, and these are the kids and families that God has put in my life.  What a huge blessing and opportunity!  And it makes me sad that some Christians are too afraid to reach out - to afraid of what could happen to their 1 child if God might call them to reach 30 more.  

In saying that, I don't mean to make anyone feel guilty - I really believe that God calls each of us to make decisions based on what He wants to do with our particular family.  For some, that is homeschooling; for others, it is a Christian school. But for us, this year, it was public school.  That may change next year, and I am open to that.

But for now, I am thankful that God did call us to this place at this time, because 30 kids have had seeds planted in their hearts that may someday sprout.  I may not have changed their lives, but these sweet kids definitely changed my perspective.  Although my first choice would still be that my boys go to Christian school (for reasons I won't go into here), I still trust that God had a plan in this.  We tried to be obedient to Him, and He showed himself faithful.  

(Micah's class this Wednesday):