Sunday, June 22, 2008


For months I have been dreading next week, and now I am only 6 days away.  My hubby is going away for 8 days on a youth trip, so I will be flying solo with the 2 boys.  I don't do well when he is gone, I admit it.  I think of every possible scenario as I lie awake at night, I hear every sound, I triple check every window and door, I keep the phone and my Bible in bed with me, and I do not sleep much.  I get lonely, I cry, but I survive.   He's never been away for this long before - only 3 days max since we've had both boys.  

One time when he was gone, I woke up at 2am and looked out the front window.  There was an unfamiliar car parked in front of my house with the windows all fogged up.  I watched for awhile out the window, and finally decided to call the police to come check it out.  After waiting for over an hour and calling them back asking "where are you guys?" (their answer: we are busy; the car is out on another call.  In other words, there is only 1 car available.  That made me feel so much better).  Anyway, when they finally arrived, they opened the car doors and nobody was inside.  They started shining their flashlights around my front yard, into my back yard, while I was quietly running from window to window trying to see if someone was hiding in my back yard.  My heart stopped when I saw what looked like the silhouette of a person against our garage in our back yard.   The police didn't seem to see this even though their flashlight kept shining in that area.  When I ran to another window, the shadow was gone.  Then I saw it again.  I was truly freaking out, almost to the point of tears.  As I looked out the window again, I realized that it was the shadow of a large vase that I had put out to dry, projecting against the garage door.  I felt foolish and stupid, and nervously laughed to myself (but was still scared inside).   The police never found anyone so they had the car towed away, but it still left me wondering where that person went who owned the car.  So, I stayed up for over 2 hours until sunlight started to show again, fell asleep, and then had to wake up with the boys a short time later.  EXHAUSTING.

Anyway, sorry for that LONG story, but now you know where I'm coming from.  I know that "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind."  I constantly have to recite that to myself.  But it is not easy. So, this week I am planning what I will do to keep busy.  I am trying to think of people to stay with me but the only person I've come up with is my sister, who is going to stay one or two nights.  That leave 6 more nights.  I have thought of going to my parent's house for a few days, but their house is not baby-proofed, and there is not a comfortable room for the 3 of us to stay in. It is also hellishly-hot where they live.  I'm not sure about that option yet.

I will probably stay up late and blog every night during that week, so stay tuned... In the meantime, any suggestions you have for my time would be greatly appreciated!! (Your prayers are also coveted too!!) :)

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you need a dog or a gun. =) I was the same way for a long time - after moving to Utah, Joe started backpacking, gone for days at a time with no cell reception for miles. I would stress out about something happening to us or him and not being able to get to him. . . I found myself staying up watching tv until I could no longer keep my eyes open. Exhaustion - like you said. I know just where your at! I have somehow gotten a little more use to it all - I still stay up late. I like to find a good book that is just fun, nothing major, that way my mind is focused a bit and not looking for trouble =) We do have a dog and a gun for protection, Joe usually takes it with him in the mountains, you never know who or what you may encounter! And Aurora, well she's Joe's dog, but when he's gone she is our watch dog, barking for just about anything, and she pretty intimidating if you are at the door and she doesn't know you.

    I added to your long story with my own! I will be praying for you - I understand how hard it is. I could give you my # if you need someone to help talk you down. . . Hugs