Monday, September 10, 2012

A New Normal

Everything so far has been leading up to THIS.  This = the week that both of my boys are in school full-time. For 7 years I stayed at home with my boys, devoting all of my time and energy to them, and they have just flown from my nest and settled in at school.  (Excuse me while I get some tissue).

Last week Jaden started Kindergarten, and he was excited to go. It was a relatively easy transition because he only had to be in school until noon - enough time for me to run one or two errands and rush back to pick him up. But today- today it begins. Today we dropped him off and he will be there for LUNCH, and picked up at 2pm.  I don't know - the thought of my baby boy eating lunch without me there to watch him just gets me every time.  I cry just thinking about it.  I can't put my finger on it - am I afraid he'll choke on something? Am I afraid he won't be able to open his crackers?  Am I afraid he won't have someone to sit with?  I admit, all of these things have passed through my mind.  But mostly, I will miss my little buddy.

Micah started 2nd grade, and although that is a big moment as well, he has had 2 years of full-time school to prepare for that.  He has his friends, he's adjusted, and he looks forward to going (for the most part).  I had a hard time leaving him for Kindergarten too, but still had Jaden at home with me to keep my mind busy from thinking about it too much.

 (He would not let me take any pictures of him on his first day, so I snuck this one really quick) :)

Now the house is eerily silent - and it's only been 28 minutes since I dropped them off.  I hear thoughts like "Go to the beach!" or "Go visit that new store that just opened!" or "Finally you can get some work done!"  but really, I want to go spy on them through binoculars at the park above the school.  (You didn't hear me say that).

So, what will I do with myself ALL DAY?  Well, for starters I will thank God that He brought me through one of the toughest seasons of my entire life - staying home full-time with my boys for the past 7 years.  In that time, he shaped me and molded me and sharpened me and disciplined me and changed me.  Now He wants to do something new in me.  I will need to make time to spend with God and allow Him to speak to me.  It was easy to let that go before - the kids were always interrupting - but now I have a wide open space for Him to speak.

What else will I do?  For starters, I'll be able to complete all of my work while the boys are at school. It is not easy working from home and having kids at home full time, so now I'll be able to get it all done so that I can be un-distracted when they get home.  That is something I've been waiting for a long time. There is a heavy guilt that many moms feel for having to work from home while their kids are running around and pulling on them for attention.  That pressure will be taken off, which is nice.

You won't find me watching daytime TV, eating bon-bons, or taking leisurely strolls on the beach.  I might be able to fit those things in here or there, but for the most part my days will be full. 

It has all come down to this - this new season...and I'm ready for it - just as soon as I blow my nose and re-apply my makeup.

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