Last night Jaden was eating dinner and choked on his food really badly. I was home alone with the boys, and picked him up and tried my best to dislodge the food while holding him and pounding his back. He had trouble breathing for a good minute or two, and although he was crying and trying to catch his breath, I could tell he didn't have his whole breathing capacity. He had tears streaming down his face, like he was scared and hurting. Finally he was okay, and I just held him.
After these two things happened, I had trouble sleeping when we went to bed last night. At about 11:30pm, I was just laying there thinking about what had happened earlier, and I told my husband, "I just want to hold Jaden." I got up, picked him up sleeping out of his crib, and brought him to our bed. I held him on my chest in the dark just listening to his breathing and feeling his heartbeat next to mine. I thought about how precious he is to us, and couldn't even imagine if something ever happened to him. I can't imagine was Steven CC is going through right now. Jaden & I layed there together for awhile, with Martin and I just kissing his forehead, and then I finally got up and put him back in his crib.
I want to remember every day to hold my boys just a little bit closer. I want them to know they are loved, and I hope they never doubt that. I realize that every day that I want to hold them closer, I also have to let them go a little bit more. This is hard.
This is a picture of me and Jaden I took a few months ago while he was sleeping next to me.
that is a super sweet picture.
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