Thankful Little Hearts

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It's starting to become a Thanksgiving tradition to take our family Christmas pictures on that day (or the day after).  This year we ventured outside my parent's house down a little path that is a protected nature habitat. The problem was, Jaden was not happy.  To make matters worse, Micah had thrown a tantrum for over 30 minutes before the photos about the fact that we were making him wear jeans, and he wanted to wear shorts.  He was still getting over that, so we had 2 very unhappy boys on our hands.  PERFECT timing for family Christmas pictures.

As I wrote about yesterday, this was another one of those things that was just out of my control.  After they got running around, they mellowed out a bit. However, Jaden is already tired of having a photographer mama and so he is not amused by my efforts to take even more photos of him.

The boys thought it would be funny to mess around during our photo shoot after they had finally calmed down.  We got a few cute pictures after bribing them with a treat if they behaved (did I just admit that?), but it was still frustrating at times.

Here is one where they were not listening and decided to run instead of walk with us:

It's funny, if you didn't know the story, you might think this was planned.  "How cute! They're running in front of their parents!" NOT CUTE. I am in the background shouting, "Get back here right now!  1-2-3!"  (Yes, I count too!  So sue me) ;)

Here's another winner:

Here's one of Jaden when we told him to "Smile" -

And when we told Micah to "Smile"-

And then in this one we finally got Jaden to smile (a little), only to have Micah start messing around:

Sometimes I wonder if we are the only ones with difficult children.  No matter how hard we try, I feel like they get mad, frustrated, talk back, or have attitudes.  They also feed off of each other, so one could be in a great mood, only to have the other one spoil it.  I think it's good to be honest with each other about these things, because sometimes I read other blogs and feel like I'm the only one whose kids have issues.  So, there is some honesty for you.

Another issue we have is at dinner every night when there is a big argument about who gets to PRAY.  The boys fight over whose night it is, and before you know it there are tears and time-outs.  Tonight I let them each choose 2 nights of the week they can pray, and we will cover the rest.  That seemed to work out well.   They both pray pretty much the same prayers every night.

Micah:  "Thank you God for our dinner, and our house, and our cat.  Amen."

Jaden:  "Thank you God for our dinner, and for our house, and our cat, and our driveway.  Amen."

We always stifle a laugh when he says "driveway" because it's so cute, but tonight I asked him about it.  Micah replied, "He thanks God for that because we get to ride our scooters up and down our driveway when we play outside." Jaden nodded affirmatively.  It's the little things.

It got me thinking - am I thankful for the little things like that?  Am I thankful when my boys argue and fight?  Am I thankful when they throw tantrums and won't smile for pictures?  Am I thankful that they are brothers who love each other still, and have the privilege of growing up together?  Am I thankful that even when things aren't going according to plan, they might still be having fun?

Am I thankful for the things that normally go unnoticed, like our driveway?

I'm thankful that little eyes see things that big eyes don't see, and little hearts feel things that big hearts overlook.

I'm thankful that even though our photo shoot didn't go as planned, we still had some fun and ended up with smiles on all of our faces.

Mama just needs to be thankful, and take a chill pill.


P.S. A special thank you to my sister for her patience and photography skills!!

The Worst Parents of the Year Award

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It seemed like a good idea at the time...

It was Labor Day, we didn't have any plans, but we wanted to get out of the house.  One idea we had was to go on a beach hike, since there are various locations around us where you can take paths down towards the beach to explore tidepools, etc...  I hopped online and found 2 hikes we could go on, both leading towards some tidepools.  The first hike we had done before, and it was pretty strenuous and steep, so we opted for option #2.  Option #2 was called the "Shipwreck Hike."  Based on the reviews, about half of the people said it was fun and adventurous, while the other half said it was horrible and to NOT attempt it.  I went to Martin with the reviews in hand, and we decided that we would take a risk and do it anyway.

Dumb.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.

We got there and I jumped out of the car, ran down the trail and took a look.  Many of the reviews said to take the "drainpipe route" since it was 2 miles shorter, went straight downhill, and the shipwreck remains were only about a half mile from the bottom.  I had a bad feeling right when I stood at the top, and asked Martin to take a look.  We decided together that we would be adventurous and do it anyway.

Now, from this vantage point, it doesn't look too bad.

Sure, it's steep, but we could do it.  But this was a looooonnnngggg way down.  Pictures just don't do it justice, people.  Here's another view.

It pretty much felt like a straight drop down to our deaths.  Why didn't we turn around and head back up?  Because we were determined.  We slowly made our way over crumbling rocks and glass shards, all the way down.  I did not know why we were doing this, but every time I turned around and looked back up the hill, I knew that I did NOT want to climb back up.  About half way down, I started to have a panic attack. Every single step that my children took, I worried for their lives.  I actually cried at one point, hiding it behind my sunglasses.  I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for mercy. I prayed for help. I prayed that we would live.  Martin was confident, though, and we just kept telling the boys, "we're almost there!" with fake smiles on our faces.

Finally after over 30 minutes, sweating and dirty, we made it to the bottom.  This was the second time I cried. I couldn't believe we made it. Our nightmare continued, though, as we had to step over large and small boulders alike, tip-toeing across them so that we did not break our ankles.  Micah kept crying, "I hate this hike! I want to go home!"  But we were determined to see this shipwreck that we had worked so hard to get to.

We hiked, and hiked, and hiked.  We only ran across 1 couple, who passed us and looked at us like we were crazy.  Because we were crazy (see the arrow right by the tiny people?  That's how far we had walked from the hill of death, through clouds of sand flies and stench from the seaweed).

The only thing interesting that we came across was a bum-hut made by other people who had attempted the impossible.

Oh, and the shipwreck?  Well, this was all we saw of it.

Yeah, that's because the REAL shipwreck remains were another 1/2 mile to a mile AWAY from where we were!  (see arrow)

And from what I had read, there wasn't much left.

So, after much crying from everyone involved, and sand flies all over our faces, we turned around to head back up the hill.  (Insert sobs here)

Seriously, these pictures make it look like it's a piece of cake.  But we made it back up with many rest stops, and much comforting of a very mad 6 year old.

Jaden was the only one who enjoyed himself, finding treasures along every step of the way.  Thankfully nobody got hurt, until we made it to the very top of the mountain and Jaden took off running towards the car. He fell flat on his face in the dirt, scraped up his hand, and cried a lot.  At the top of the hill, we saw a cop sitting behind our car. I was sure someone had probably called the cops on us for taking our kids on such a dangerous hike.  He left us alone and we drove away.

We awarded ourselves the "Worst Parents of the Year" award and left that dreadful place, never to return.  Labor Day will forever be etched in my mind as the day we almost died. Or I almost died. Of a panic attack.

So, what's your "Worst Parent of the Year" story?  :)

Divorce

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Last year I wrote about my interaction with a little girl from Micah's school who was being made fun of and said she had no friends. This little girl (whom I will call "Lucy") continued to find me after school each day, smiling at me and waving each time I saw her.  One day I was out walking our neighborhood, and noticed that she lived right down the street from me. Her mother and I talked and continued to converse every time we saw each other after school.  We were neighbors, fellow moms of kindergartners, and becoming friends.

Today we were driving down the street and saw random strangers inside of Lucy's garage, piling up all of her family's belongings into black trashbags and loading them into a truck.  A "For Rent" sign was erected in the front yard: 4 bedroom, 2 bath house - available immediately.  I was trying to make sense of it all - seeing these people in their garage, throwing their stuff on the curb for the trash man, including a ton of baby and child items, told me something was wrong.  This was Lucy's stuff.

I couldn't stop thinking about it.  We drove by 4 times.  We asked how much the house was for rent (mainly just to see if the people were burglars or not).  Nope, it was the landlord in the garage.  I came home and tried to scour Facebook, trying to find traces of Lucy's mom and dad.  I found them.  Her page was public, her wall was visible for everyone to see.  Over two months of status updates having to do with sadness, depression, confusion, and transition.  She announced she was taking her kids and moving out of state.  She wrote that she had "lost Joe."  Well, I saw Joe last Saturday, so I know he's still around.   After reading for a bit, it became obvious - she is going through a divorce.

I was so saddened for her, and for Lucy and her 3 siblings.  I know I will probably never see them again.  
It made me think of my other friends who have gone through divorces - so many of them now.  Most of them have children.  Every single time, it saddens my heart, as I know it saddens theirs.

This September 18th, Martin and I will celebrate 12 years of marriage.  We don't pretend to have it all together.  We are two completely opposite people who daily have to lay down our wills and our desires for the other.  I know most people say they are opposites, but people - WE are opposites.  It is true that opposites attract, and it is true that these marriages require work.  LOTS of work :)

The other day someone asked how long we have been married and then replied, "Wow!  How did you do that?"  The truth is, we don't have any magic answer.  We love the Lord, and we do our best to put Him first in our lives.  Yet many of our friends who have been divorced love the Lord too.

No one is immune to divorce, and the minute you think you are immune, that is when your marriage can begin to spiral downward- because you are no longer protecting yourself.

So what is our secret?  I wish I knew.  Maybe in another 12 years I'll have some more insight into that question.  What I do know is that love is a daily choice.  We have not had to face infidelity or addiction or betrayal in our relationship, which makes a huge difference.  We have had a few marriage counselors over the years who were incredible, and I credit them for the fact that we are still together through our ups and downs.  But if you are in a place of uncertainty, I wanted to pass on a few resources that might be encouraging to you. There are people who want to help you make it work, but you have to be willing to reach out for help. It is scary opening up your life to others, but it is worth it.

I hope these resources will strengthen and encourage you, wherever you are at in your marriage.  Read these stories, and take hope...

True Relationships - a ministry run by my former pastor and his wife.  They do conferences, counseling, and have a video series that is incredible.

Family Life - we have gone to 2 of their Weekend to Remember conferences, and they are amazing.  Pastors even go free!

Leading and Loving It - this is a ministry geared for pastor's wives and female ministry leaders.  They have a section of their website devoted to hurting marriages.  You can read their stories of hurt, betrayal, and restoration.

Sarah Markley - you can visit her website and read about her journey into infidelity, and how God enabled her husband to forgive her.  Watch the video where their story was featured on CBN.

These are just a few of the resources out there...if you have any that you would recommend, please leave a comment and let us all know.  There are people all over the world who are fighting for their marriages...and winning.  Don't give up.