Dear Jaden (Age 6)

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Dear Jaden,

This past week you turned 6 years old.  I keep calling you "baby".... sorry about that.  You will, though, always be my baby.

You flew through Kindergarten this year, making a ton of friends along the way.  We are so thankful that you had an easy and fun year, and I cannot believe it's almost over.

You are still the cuddler in the family - you love to sit on laps, be hugged, be held, and climb into our bed - every. single. night.  But when you wrap your arms around my neck and lay between us, we smile and let you stay, because we know you are growing fast and you won't be there forever.

One of your favorite things to do is make people laugh (although it does get you in trouble sometimes). Whether you are sticking your booty out and dancing, singing "Hey, suxy lady" (that is how you say it), or singing funny songs - you are a silly boy.

You are also very sensitive and have a very soft heart. Words affect you deeply, as does a loud voice, and we have found that the best approach with you is to be gentle and patient.  When your feelings are hurt, it can affect you all day, and it takes a lot of hugs and reassurances to help you smile again.  That shows us that you are deep, and your love for others is just as deep, too.

We are proud of the boy you are becoming, and the life and joy you bring to our family.  Your innocence is inspiring, your wonder at the world makes us stop and breathe it all in.  When you find a roly-poly and yell, "Mom, I found another Jaden-poly!" or when you see a bird outside and say, "I named him Blackie!" or when you see a friend crying and go to comfort him, we see your heart.

When you are 16 or 36 and want to remember who you were at age 6, here are a few of your favorite things:

Favorite food: Pizza
Favorite sport: Basketball
Favorite thing to do at school:  Play
Favorite color: Green
Favorite toy: Beyblades
Favorite fruit: Strawberry
Favorite TV show/ cartoon: Lego Chima
Favorite thing to eat for lunch: sandwiches (peanut butter & jelly)
Favorite clothing item: My taco shirt
Favorite thing to fall asleep with:  My dolphin pillow pet
Favorite book: Chima
Favorite game: Lego.com
Favorite animal: cheetah
Favorite song:  Gangnam Style (seriously??)
Favorite snack: Apples
Best friend: Austin
Favorite cereal:  Lucky Charms
Favorite thing to do outside: Play basketball
Favorite drink: Orange Juice
Favorite holiday: Christmas
Favorite place to visit: Legoland
Favorite Bible story: Moses & the Ten Commandments
What do you want to be when you grow up? Police man
What do you love about our family? They are nice to me
Favorite thing to do with mommy: Play basketball
Favorite thing to do with daddy: Going to 7-11 with him to get Slurpees
Favorite thing to do with Micah: Play Legos

We love you!

Read last year's post:  A letter to my 5 year old

The Week of Scarlet Fever

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I knew something was wrong when Micah had a high fever of over 102 degrees for four days straight, and then he opened his mouth and I saw this:

In addition to "Strawberry Tongue" as it is called, he had white spots all over the roof and back of his mouth and complained "it feels like I'm swallowing nails."  Then the rash started - all over his chest and back, and it felt like sandpaper.  Google-mom that I am (which is not always a good thing), I soon realized that he had Scarlet Fever.

The first thing that came into my mind was Little Women, where Beth comes down with Scarlet Fever, and eventually...dies.  Then I thought of poor Mary Ingalls, whose blindness was blamed on Scarlet Fever (but new articles say that she actually did not go blind from Scarlet Fever at all, but rather viral meningoencephalis).  Well, that's good, I guess??  Anyway, I digress.

My mind did a few crazy things before realizing that we live in the 21st century, and I was reassured that antibiotics would surely do the trick and he'd be fine.  It is similar to strep throat, after all.

Anyway, after 3 days of missing school and still on 2 weeks of antibiotics, he is now completely recovered and doing great.

I wish that was the only thing that could explain my absence from blogging these past few weeks, but there have been a lot of other things going on around here too.

A girl I mentor just had a baby and I have been helping her with breastfeeding. It is so wonderful when new mothers start out with a great breastfeeding experience.  Usually the reason I am called is because things aren't going so well, so it is rare for me to get to work with a mom where everything is going perfectly.  I don't work in that field a lot anymore, but when I get to work with the ones I am closest to, it is a pure joy.  Here is the beauty named Willow who was just born:

I have been co-teaching two parenting classes at church, using Sacred Parenting and Sticky Faith as our curriculums. I will try to write more in depth about those, but highly recommend both of those books as reading for any parent.  Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids, in particular, has been life-changing for me personally and I can't recommend it enough.

This month I'm going to be catching up and posting on:

-My guest interview with Renee Fisher, author and speaker
-Mother's Day
-My visit to Dream Dinners
-A trip to the Legoland Hotel
and more... Thank you for your patience as I have been MIA!! :)

When Your Kids Mortify You

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Today at church I helped to co-lead a parenting class, where we talked about the "Soul Transforming Journey of Parenting," using Gary Thomas' Sacred Parenting curriculum (which is good stuff, by the way).

Five minutes after class ended, I picked up my kids from their Sunday School classes, when my 7 year old informed me that my 5 year old had just drawn a large picture of a Lego figure with the words "I'm sexy and I know it" as the caption.

Yep.  That's my boy.  Pastor's kid, class clown, leader of the children.

It was quite fitting that Gary Thomas had just talked about those scenarios in our video session, sharing how a mother was mortified by her son's bad behavior over and over in his young life.  She wrote a letter to Gary, stating, "While people may judge us by our children's actions, God judges us by our reactions to them. I needed to stop being mortified and to start being modified....At times, I actually pity those parents who have easy children. How will they ever learn these valuable lessons?"

Gary went on to share that parenting is like "God's hammer on our souls."  He is refining our character. However, so many of us spend most of our time worrying about our child's character and disciplining their actions that we miss what God is trying to do in our own lives.  What if we took a step back, and instead of pouring all of our energy into changing them, we prayed that God would change us instead?

We were also reminded that our children are watching us, and whether good or bad, they see and hear everything we do.  A friend shared that she and her husband were having a conversation late at night in their living room, talking softly, when their son (who they thought was asleep) interjected his opinion from his own room.   It reminded me of all the conversations I overheard when I was a child and how curious I was. Our children can often hear us even when we don't think they can. Let us not forget in our parenting, that it begins with us - instead of always pointing out our children's mistakes, let us remember to watch our own words and behaviors even more.

Although they see and hear our mistakes, they also see our growth.  When our first reaction is to normally yell or overreact when they mess up, I wonder what would happen if they saw us stop and speak calmly next time.  They will notice something that big.  Again, when the focus is on growing ourselves and changing our own behavior, the effect will be seen by our children.

This week, instead of being mortified by our kids, let our reaction, our behavior, our thoughts...be modified. God will work in them, but let's also allow God to work in us.

Looking Back

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I was watching him, as mothers do -  my 7 year old, full of energy and excitement, playing basketball. It is his latest sport of choice, and he is good at it.  He was having fun, throwing jabs at me and Jaden (who were playing with him), and sinking 3-pointers like nothing.  Well, we do have a short basketball hoop. But anyway...

That night he stayed up late, reading ferociously for the Read-a-Thon at school. He wants to win, so he's been reading morning, noon and night.  There have been nights when I walk into his room and he is reading in total darkness with no light on. He's fast and he's good at it.

And yet only 3 years ago, we were so worried. So, so worried. You can read all about that here, but basically, Micah had many challenges since his birth. They weren't severe challenges to most people, but they were enough to make us worry a lot, cry, and worry some more.

From being told he might be autistic or have Aspergers - one well-meaning person even said we should have him tested for AIDS because he got sick so much - we just didn't know what was going on. His speech delays, his surgery for tubes in his ears, his rough start in Kindergarten; it was all very overwhelming.  I feared it might never get better.

But it did.

He is healthy, he is strong, he is right on target - actually, ahead in some areas of math and reading in his second grade class; I'm sure most people would never guess the challenges we had faced just a short time ago.

I remember being worried about a bruise on his forehead that wouldn't go away, about his teeth when he fell off of our front porch, about his face being split when he fell into a bench and ended up in the ER.  So many worries, so many tears.

And yet he is fine. He is growing, he is healthy, he is strong.

Today I am thanking the Lord for progress. When you're in the thick of it, it can seem so overwhelming, and progress can feel so incredibly slow.

I talk to other moms who are in the thick of it with their kids. They are worried that their child is falling behind academically or socially, or is not "right on target." They stress and buy things and get second opinions and worry; and I know, because I have been there.

There likely will be more occasions in our kids' lives to worry and fret over progress, over learning issues, over grades, over bruises and broken bones.  But today you might just need to hear "don't worry, it will be okay." Because it will.

When you're baby has jaundice, is not breastfeeding well, spikes a high fever, has acid reflux...

When your toddler is not walking according to schedule, gets sick a lot, is not talking like the other kids...

When your preschooler bites another child, throws a tantrum in public, or you are told she is not ready for Kindergarten...

All of it can be very stressful. We worry about their future, and we don't want them to struggle. But struggle is good, because it will make them stronger.

Take it from me, I have a very strong boy.

From someone who has crossed over through the newborn, baby, toddler, preschool era into a new phase, believe me when I say that so many of the things we worry about will never come to pass. Our only hope is to put our faith and trust in God during those times that feel scary.  Love them the best you can, and one day you'll be able to look back too and breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Until then, breathe in... It will all be okay.

Thankful Little Hearts

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It's starting to become a Thanksgiving tradition to take our family Christmas pictures on that day (or the day after).  This year we ventured outside my parent's house down a little path that is a protected nature habitat. The problem was, Jaden was not happy.  To make matters worse, Micah had thrown a tantrum for over 30 minutes before the photos about the fact that we were making him wear jeans, and he wanted to wear shorts.  He was still getting over that, so we had 2 very unhappy boys on our hands.  PERFECT timing for family Christmas pictures.

As I wrote about yesterday, this was another one of those things that was just out of my control.  After they got running around, they mellowed out a bit. However, Jaden is already tired of having a photographer mama and so he is not amused by my efforts to take even more photos of him.

The boys thought it would be funny to mess around during our photo shoot after they had finally calmed down.  We got a few cute pictures after bribing them with a treat if they behaved (did I just admit that?), but it was still frustrating at times.

Here is one where they were not listening and decided to run instead of walk with us:

It's funny, if you didn't know the story, you might think this was planned.  "How cute! They're running in front of their parents!" NOT CUTE. I am in the background shouting, "Get back here right now!  1-2-3!"  (Yes, I count too!  So sue me) ;)

Here's another winner:

Here's one of Jaden when we told him to "Smile" -

And when we told Micah to "Smile"-

And then in this one we finally got Jaden to smile (a little), only to have Micah start messing around:

Sometimes I wonder if we are the only ones with difficult children.  No matter how hard we try, I feel like they get mad, frustrated, talk back, or have attitudes.  They also feed off of each other, so one could be in a great mood, only to have the other one spoil it.  I think it's good to be honest with each other about these things, because sometimes I read other blogs and feel like I'm the only one whose kids have issues.  So, there is some honesty for you.

Another issue we have is at dinner every night when there is a big argument about who gets to PRAY.  The boys fight over whose night it is, and before you know it there are tears and time-outs.  Tonight I let them each choose 2 nights of the week they can pray, and we will cover the rest.  That seemed to work out well.   They both pray pretty much the same prayers every night.

Micah:  "Thank you God for our dinner, and our house, and our cat.  Amen."

Jaden:  "Thank you God for our dinner, and for our house, and our cat, and our driveway.  Amen."

We always stifle a laugh when he says "driveway" because it's so cute, but tonight I asked him about it.  Micah replied, "He thanks God for that because we get to ride our scooters up and down our driveway when we play outside." Jaden nodded affirmatively.  It's the little things.

It got me thinking - am I thankful for the little things like that?  Am I thankful when my boys argue and fight?  Am I thankful when they throw tantrums and won't smile for pictures?  Am I thankful that they are brothers who love each other still, and have the privilege of growing up together?  Am I thankful that even when things aren't going according to plan, they might still be having fun?

Am I thankful for the things that normally go unnoticed, like our driveway?

I'm thankful that little eyes see things that big eyes don't see, and little hearts feel things that big hearts overlook.

I'm thankful that even though our photo shoot didn't go as planned, we still had some fun and ended up with smiles on all of our faces.

Mama just needs to be thankful, and take a chill pill.


P.S. A special thank you to my sister for her patience and photography skills!!

Fun in Oak Glen

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Last weekend we took an overnight trip to one of my favorite field-trip places growing up - Oak Glen. It is here in this tiny mountain town that you can step back in history and pick apples from the trees, visit a colonial style village and an old school house from the 1800's.  These places are a bit hard to find in Southern California, so I was really looking forward to this trip.

We left on a Friday and drove the hour and a half up the mountain, and when we got there we were pleasantly surprised that it had just snowed!!  It could not have been more beautiful. Freezing cold, but beautiful.

Our first stop was Riley's Farm, where they have an old gold mine, a colonial house, gift stores and a restaurant. There were some people dressed up there in "traditional garb" entertaining the guests.  We ordered our hot corn chowder and a huge sandwich, and headed back to the car to eat lunch because all of the tables were wet and it was so cold outside.   My sister met us there and brought scarves and gloves with her, which helped a ton.

Next stop was the old school house, which I grew up going to every year and still remember it like it was yesterday.  I was so bummed that it was closed, because my boys have never seen an old school house before and I thought they'd enjoy it.  Apparently they close the school on rainy, snowy or wet days. The boys had fun anyway and had a short snowball fight.

  

 

We went further up the road to Riley's Farm at Los Rios Ranchos.  The Riley family owns many of the groves in Oak Glen, although they are each independently operated. At this farm, you can press your own apple cider (for $15 a gallon), buy a huge apple pie, visit a petting zoo, or hike their nature trails.  They have a huge gift store where you can sample all of their jams, apple butters and apple breads.

We stayed there awhile and then drove even further up the road to Oak Tree Village - an interesting, eclectic, odd, dirty, outdoor-swap-meet type place. We all got the creeps there.  Not sure exactly why, but it's weird.  I still have memories of going there as a child and seeing their "zoo," which is overpriced and not worth it. This stop was where we picked up some hot chocolate with whipped cream to prepare for our drive back down the mountain.

After about 6 hours of sight-seeing, we were all tired and ready to go.  We headed into a nearby city where I had made a hotel reservation for the night, and the boys were SO excited.  They have always wanted to stay in a hotel and could not stop talking about it. I found a great deal and we got a huge room with breakfast included for only $80.  AND it was right next door to my favorite restaurant- The Old Spaghetti Factory.

The boys made some funny comments about the room, like when Micah went in the bathroom and saw the hair dryer on the wall. He exclaimed, "Mom! You can call people from in here!"  (He apparently thought it was a phone).  Jaden opened the closet, saw an ironing board and said, "Hey!  There's a surf board in here!"

We played musical beds that night because the boys moved around a lot in their queen sized bed and almost fell out a number of times.  It was fun, though, and they can't wait to stay in a hotel room again sometime.

The next day we enjoyed the hotel breakfast together, which was a gigantic breakfast. It included made-to-order omelettes, biscuits and gravy, cereal, bagels, juice, waffles, etc...   We were full all morning and had a late lunch on the way home.

I can't wait to go back - the short getaway felt like more than 1 night because there was a lot packed in, but it was a lot of fun and so worth it.  It was cheap, too!  If you live in Southern California, I highly recommend Oak Glen!

I Love My Boy

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Micah.

(age 2)

When he was born, we were debating between names.  It was either going to be James, Nathan or Micah.  He came out and the nurse said, "He is vigorous!"  We took one look at him and knew that, although we loved the first two names, they were just too "soft" sounding for our vigorous boy.  Micah means, "Who is like God," or "Gift from God."  We chose his middle name, Nathaniel, meaning "God has given."  But I'll get back to that in a minute.

Micah's life started out with some complications.  The complications weren't huge (although he was), and although I hoped and prayed for a natural birth, I had to have a c-section.  He was born on June 24, 2005 at 9 lbs, 7 oz.

He had jaundice, and they took him away from me for 24 hours and put him in the nursery under the bilirubin lights.  I was heartbroken, to put it mildly, and sobbed heaving sobs, missing him as though he had been ripped from my arms.

He got sick a lot as a baby.  Numerous ear infections, 104-105 degree fevers, coughs...you name it.  He was prescribed 12 antibiotics in one year, making him develop antibiotic resistance.  Blood tests could not determine why he was getting sick so much, and he was exclusively breastfed, meaning he should not have been sick very much at all.  But the rules didn't apply to our boy.

At 2 1/2 we could tell he was speech delayed, and went through a rigmarole of tests to figure out why.  A psychiatrist used the word "autistic," but we knew that in this case, she was wrong. She then downgraded it to "asperger's syndrome," but we knew that wasn't right either.  Many, many tears were shed.

After more illnesses, we took him to an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist who diagnosed him with enlarged tonsils and adenoids, and said he'd had fluid in his ears for over a year, which had caused the speech delay.  Finally, some answers.  Then surgery.  The hardest day of our lives thus far.  He was so scared, that he fell asleep on Martin's shoulder as they took him back to the room for sedation.  Then he woke up on the table, screamed and reached for Martin, and Martin had to walk away.  Our hearts broke again.

Years passed, and he started getting better.  His speech improved.  He graduated speech therapy.  Finally things were getting easier. Then came Kindergarten.  What started out as a year of hope turned into a year of frustration, as he has faced numerous issues in his class environment.  Another struggle, another year of tears.

Today we went in for a routine dentist visit, with a new pediatric dentist who I found (after hours of reading reviews on the internet).  We have a lame HMO dental plan; pretty much the worst available, yet the reviews of her were mostly positive (except for one where she diagnosed a kid with 10 cavities who was later found to have none).  We had a negative experience today; she was not gentle, was rushed and he cried a little.  I sat in that chair watching him for an hour and a half, thinking, "Why can't something be easy for my boy, just for once?"  She came back with the x-rays: 8 cavities, one mini root-canal, and one crown needed.   Um, come again???  (I should specify that they are between the crowded molar teeth, so they are affecting 4 sets of the same top/bottom teeth - likely from not being able to floss well that far back)

We have worked hard to keep our boys away from sugar and juice, no milk at night before bed, brushing twice a day (by us) and flossing.  I was shocked and in tears.  She recommended that he be put under anesthesia for all the work to be done at once, which would be somewhere in the ballpark range of $1200 just for the anesthesia, not to mention all the work that needs to be done. Did I mention we don't charge things like this on credit cards?  Again, "why can't something be easy for my boy, just for once?"

( Micah's first dentist appointment at age 2)

I went online to research something and saw all the judgments against parents whose kids have cavities. Everyone blames the parents, which is sad.  In my family, everyone has soft teeth and it really does seem to have a genetic aspect.  So, I'm prepared for the judgments but disappointed too; in other words, I won't be posting about this on Facebook.  (Only here on my blog, where I know you all show only love, right???)

Tonight I'm thinking of all we've been through with Micah in his 5 short years.  It is in stark contrast to Jaden, who has hardly had any issues at all.  Yet Micah is strong, and so good for the doctors and the dentist, and we are so proud of him.  He did not complain at all today.  He said "thank you" to the dentist even after she made him cry.

Somehow, even before our boy was 10 minutes old, we could tell he was vigorous.  He is a fighter, and he is strong-willed, yet I see the benefits on days like this.  He would go through a lot and would need to be strong.  It hurts my heart to see him have to go through pain, yet he teaches me so much through it.  He is truly my "gift from God."

On another note, we have seen him grow leaps and bounds in the past month or so.  He has started reading and is flying through small books (of mostly 3-4 letter words, mind you, but still so exciting!).  He is coloring like a pro and we even see a little artist coming out of him.  He is one smart cookie.  I love my boy so much, and I hope one day things can be a little easier for him too.

Micah the Brave

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"Micah the Brave" is my new nickname for Micah.  I hold his little face in my hands, look him in the eyes, and say, "YOU are Micah the Brave."  Micah does not feel like he is brave yet.  In fact, he is very afraid of many things.  But I am watching him slowly overcome his fears.

Last week he started swimming lessons, 5 days a week for 2 weeks.  We have never said anything negative about the lessons, only positive, and give him a treat each day when it's over (a popsicle or something of the like).  But he was afraid of even the term "swimming lessons."  The first day was really hard on Martin and I, watching him tremble and shake with fear as he hung on tight to the side of the pool.  We entrusted his little heart and his life with a very young swim instructor.  But slowly he is becoming more confident, and has begun to tell other people about his lessons and how he is being brave.  Every day we endure him fighting us tooth and nail to go, but at the end of the lesson when we pick him up, he is beaming with pride.  "I did good today, mommy!! I was brave!!"

If you look at the pictures, you will see that he stands out. He comes equipped each day with his bright orange ear plugs in his ears, his "Ear Bandit" (that he wears for the tubes in his ears), his blue goggles, and a toy in his pocket to "help him be brave."  Other mothers smile when they see him, but I'm smiling on the inside, because I know our boy is overcoming a major fear.

No matter what other people may say, to us he is "Micah the Brave."

Friday Funnies: Uncut

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Disclaimer: After posting this blog, I remembered that I have a few male readers, and I apologize in advance for this posting.  Turn back now; you don't want to move forward.  :)  Just warning you.

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Today I am participating in Friday Funnies, started by my friend Heather over at Triple Blessing.



At dinner on Monday night, we were leisurely eating our dinner when Jaden blurted out, "You don't have a penis, right, mommy?"  and Micah followed by, "Why don't you have balls?"  Yes, just another normal dinner conversation at our home.  This conversation has continued all week, with Jaden continually asking me to "pull down your pants so I can see what's down there."  Don't worry; I haven't obliged.  When we were camping, Micah came and layed next to me early one morning, put his hands on both my boobs and said, "what are these, mommy?"  When I tried to explain to him, he started to shake them and jiggle them and laugh hysterically until I yanked his hands off of me.  Ah, life with 3 and 5 year old boys.

On another note, Martin walked in the door from conducting a funeral, and Jaden looked and him and said, "Why did you get buried?"

I gave Micah some Bare Fruit Apple Chips (here is their logo), and he looked at the bag and asked, "Are these made out of bears, mommy?"

This isn't something funny that anyone SAID, but I just had to include our cat in the Friday Funnies, because he has a sense of humor too.  The other night I went to get some silverware for dinner and had a hard time opening the drawer.  I peeked inside and saw this:

Then this:

We had a hard time getting him out and Micah said, "I think we need to call the fire department, mommy!"

 

But eventually, we got him out.

Silly kitty!  Can't wait to read your Friday Funnies!