This morning I clicked on a video by Michael Hyatt called "3 Blogging Mistakes That Are Killing Your Traffic." BAM! I was hit by the first mistake - inconsistent posting. Yep! That's me! When life gets busy, my blog takes a backseat. Last month I promised that each month on the 15th I would bring you a blogger interview. My first interview with Christin Slade was so fun to do, and I learned so much about her, that I decided I wanted to do one each month. Yet weeks went by and I forgot about it! Then I remembered, and could not decide who to interview! So rest assured, I have been working on that and the post will be here shortly.
In other news, as you are well aware, our nation has been hit by another string of tragedies this past week. From the bombings in Boston, to serious flooding in the midwest, to the factory explosion in Texas, it's almost impossible not to know someone in one of these areas. My heart has been heavy the past few days. My heart is heavy not only for the victims of these tragedies, but by the response to them as well. Instead of really praying, we hurl out reasons why these things happened that are not helpful. The worst responses I have seen have been from fellow Christians, quoting Scriptures about the end times and prophecies and how we've left God out of our government and "this is why!"
Those responses are not helpful. They are not loving. They are insensitive and pointing-fingers-in-victim's-faces. What is wrong with us that instead of mourning with those who mourn, we launch into diatribes about why this is happening? It's why I refuse to listen to talk radio, watch cable news programs with commentary, or participate in these kinds of conversations. One of the best blogs I read on this topic was my friend Don's blog post called "Terrorized" where he says we have been caught up in the sensationalism of it all: " I’m sickened by those who in one breath tell us that they are 'praying for Sandy Hook or Boston' and then quickly turn to Twitter for the latest body count and rumors."
I admit that I have been one of those people who has gotten caught up in the sensationalism of it all - and isn't it partly because we are bored with our own lives? It feels good to be connected with the rest of the world in some way? But then we spend more time in the news than we do in the Word, and more time calling our friends than truly calling on the One we need to.
I'm not saying the news is bad, or we shouldn't be informed of the latest updates. But where is our heart in all of this? Do we really care, or are we just pretending to? Because if we really care, then let's check how we are spending our time, and spend more time praying for them than reading about them.
Please share your thoughts on this - how do you balance staying informed with not getting wrapped up in the sensationalism of each event?
I have written a few other posts on tragedies in the past, and how we can learn to respond appropriately and walk our children through these events. Take a look:
No doubt you have seen the news regarding Christopher Dorner, the man accused of murdering three people in Southern California, who is still on the loose. He has quite a manifesto of people he is after, including a long list of Los Angeles police officers.
Living in a suburb of Los Angeles, we are in a very safe neighborhood that has a very low crime rate. However, yesterday at 5am we were awoken by the sound of many helicopters hovering over our house. Immediately we knew something had happened and turned on the news. We were shocked to hear that, within 3 streets of our house, there had been two shootings related to the search for this man. The streets where both shootings happened were on either side of our sons' school.
As it turned out, one of the high-profile police officers targeted by Chris Dorner lives 3 streets away from us. That house was being monitored overnight, and police officers saw a truck, without headlights, driving slowly down that street approaching the house. There are no clear reports about exactly what happened yet, but police officers ended up firing 50 rounds into that suspicious truck - only it wasn't Chris Dorner - it was 2 older Hispanic ladies delivering newspapers. (See news article here)
Two streets away, another police car was speeding towards the scene, got in an accident with another truck that looked similar to the description of Chris Dorner's truck, and started firing shots there too. Nobody was hurt in that incident (and the two women who were struck are okay).
When we heard that Chris Dorner had not, in fact, actually been in our area; and after confirming through various news reports, we sent our children to school at 9am. Police presence was heavy, the media was everywhere, and parents gave each other sympathetic nods. The kids were all talking about it, with stories ranging from "a killer is on the loose," to "the police are just protecting everyone." The teachers handled the whole situation with grace and understanding.
As I drove my children up to the school, emotion overwhelmed me, and for a quick moment I had a glimpse of what other parents who have experienced school tragedies might feel like - the feeling of uncertainty, of fear, of confusion. You want to make things normal for your child, to deflect any fear so that they will feel safe and secure, and you want to hold it together for them. And although I only got a small glimpse of what they were feeling, I know that I never want to feel it again.
The sight of policemen patroling your kids school with guns in their belts, with police cars stationed on every corner - it should make you feel safer, but it doesn't, really. It makes you realize that we live in a cold and harsh world.
As I read many articles about Chris Dorner, many of them mentioned that in his manifesto it says that his pain and sense of injustice began as a child. At age 6 years old, when he was a first-grade student at a Christian school, he was called a racial slur. He punched and kicked the other kid, and then was sent to the principal's office and swatted. While both children were punished, Chris did not understand why he was being punished for standing up for himself. That led to a series of events in his life which continually trigged that event which happened when he was 6 years old.
As a parent of 5 and 7 year old boys, my heart broke when I read that part of his story. I do not condone anything he is doing - at all - but his pain makes sense to me. How do you process something like that when you are 6 years old? The bullying? The name calling? And then how do you process the fact that you got in trouble for what you thought was right?
I cannot do much about the Dorner situation from my home. But his story made it all the more clearer to me how critically important it is to teach my children the right way to handle bullying at this age - and more importantly, how not to bully someone else. When my 7 year old came home recently and jokingly made his eyes look slanted, making fun of another kid in his class, we immediately sat down with him and explained why that was wrong, and why he would never, ever do that again. He had seen another kid do it, and didn't know that it was being mean. He just thought it was funny. We had to teach him that behavior was wrong. When we hear one of our boys making fun of someone else for "liking Dora the Explorer even though he's a boy," we have to teach them that they will not make fun of anyone else, no matter what. They don't always know why what they are saying is wrong; it is our job to teach them.
It can be easy to overlook those things, laugh along with the child, or pretend that it didn't happen. But it is our job as mothers, to not only protect our own children, but to also protect the children who may not have a voice. We need to protect those kids whose parents are not protecting them. We need to step up and intervene whenever we see any child suffering at the hands of another.
I don't know if this situation could have been averted, if what happened to Chris Dorner would have been dealt with the right way when he was 6 years old. But 6 year old hearts are very tender, as are all young hearts. And my heart hurts for the 6 year old Chris Dorner. But as for the 33 year old Chris Dorner, let's pray that he is found quickly, so that no more innocent lives are taken.
Sometimes, when we hear of something terrible happening in the world, we want to know more. We want information. We want to know why. We want to empathize with the people who are suffering.
So we turn on the television, the news, the radio - anything where we can get the latest updates, to stay informed, to be aware.
Our hearts ache, we long to help, we wish we were closer to offer a loving embrace and some assistance, even in a small way.
But it can also be distracting. The very things we turn to in order to help us feel connected can turn against us. The pictures can get lodged in our minds, the cries for help can haunt us at night. And we begin to fear....and to fear....and to fear.
How we respond is crucial, for little eyes are watching us. Little eyes that trust, that believe in good, that want to live life with freedom.
So is the answer to shut everything off and just shelter our children, and never let them know of the evil going on outside? Would that be helpful?
As tempted as I am to turn on the news (because I am an information addict), the house is eerily quiet today. My children do not know what has happened yet. They are still at school, hearing stories and reading books, their minds in far-away lands of fairy tales and make believe.
What I do with this situation will also stick in their minds forever. How do I tell them? How much should I say? Should I show them the truth?
Yet I know that as a mother, it is my job to guard their hearts, to protect them, to shield them from evil as long as I possibly can.
So today, while they are 5 and 7, I will prayerfully consider these things. I do not want to instill fear in my children, but faith that the world can still be good, that people can still be trusted, that God will protect them in their comings and goings. There will still be many occasions for them to learn about evil in the world. But for today, I may just shield them one more time.
And maybe, with the silence of the television and news being off, I can use that time to pray, because often I spend more time getting informed than I actually do praying for the situation.
If your children already know of this situation or you plan on sharing it with them, head over to Beth's blog at Home Stories A to Z to read her advice on How to Talk to Your Kids About School Shootings. As a former school counselor, she knows.
When I was a kid, I listened to records of "Psalty the Singing Songbook." Psalty was a large blue hymnal-person-thingy that would hang out with kids and sing songs with them. He was kindof like Barney, but a weird looking book. For some reason I don't think people would respond to Psalty today like they did back in the 80's. :)
Anyway, I LOVED listening to Psalty. I knew every song, and I dreamed of being a kid on the Psalty videotapes. But there was one song I loved more than any other song: "I Cast All My Cares Upon You." I remember singing this song every time I was scared or felt sad.
To this day, this song comes to my mind frequently. Tonight I was reminded once again of this song.
This past 2 weeks I have had to deal with a situation that is so big, so overwhelming, that I had no other option but to lay it at God's feet. You know those problems you have in life that just immediately lead you to pray, because you know it is not humanly possible to handle it? This situation does not involve me or my family, but someone I care for greatly. I am really the only person bearing her burdens right now, and her life has become my life for the past 2 weeks. I find that this situation is on my mind every single minute, and affecting every single thing I do.
At first, laying it down at God's feet was easy. It was the natural thing to do. It was the "of course" option. Then a few other people got involved who helped carry the load. It was nice having them to lean on and talk with about the situation. I found that they were helping me to bear the burdens which I felt so heavily weighed on my shoulders. And as I relied more on them, I found myself relying less on prayer. Then today, I felt the weight completely on my own shoulders again, as though I was handling this all on my own. I realized that I did 3 things:
1) I first trusted in God, and put all my faith in Him.
2) Then I started to put my trust in other people, and rely on them for strength.
3) Then I started to put my trust in myself, that I could handle this in my own strength
The weight felt oppressive. It felt heavy. It made me tired. I couldn't focus. I got mad. I said things I shouldn't have said. And I took the load away from God, and away from others, and put it all on myself, and that's when things turned ugly.
How many times do we do this to ourselves? So tonight, 25 years after I first heard that song, it played softly in my heart again, because the words are so true. When we are faced with a situation that is so big, so overwhelming, so troubling...this is what we need to do:
I cast all my cares upon you
I lay all of my burdens
Down at your feet
And any time, I don't know
What to do
I will cast all my cares upon you
Today if you're facing a hard situation, instead of trying to talk to others about it and let them carry the load with you, or trying to handle it on your own, cast all of your cares upon Him.
_____________
P.S. If you were a fan of Psalty, you have to check out this funny video that Saddleback did about Psalty- a parody of VH1's "Behind the Music": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XHFBZ8E4nQ
Two weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to speak at my MOPS group. I had been praying for months about what to speak about, and really felt led to speak on "Finding Joy" (as a mother). The first video is what I opened with- a slideshow of our funny moments as a mom, that we don't often find joy in right away, but later on we look at them and laugh.
The second link is just the audio of my message; it is about 26 minutes, and if you have time to listen to it, I hope it greatly encourages you!!
(This slideshow is comprised of pictures that our MOPS moms submitted to me, as well as a few funny ones I found online):
Here are the notes from my message:
FINDING JOY
(Listen to the audio to hear the introduction and expanded points with illustrations):
Four areas that we lose our joy as mothers:
1) Comparisons
Mothers are really hard on each other. As much as we try not to do it, we judge other mothers all the time. We also, almost subconsciously, compare ourselves to other moms all day long.
We look at the ones who seem to be able to “do it all”, and we feel lame. We often compare ourselves, which makes us feel low, and then we judge someone else, which temporarily makes us feel better again. It is a vicious and un-godly cycle we can find ourselves in. I think the root of this is that each of us wants what is best for our kids. But by comparing, we lose our joy. We feel bad about ourselves. We focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. You’ve probably heard that phrase “comparison trap” because that is exactly what it is: a trap. Once we get into comparing, it is hard to stop.
We often compare
-mothering styles
-abilities
-things (possessions)
Another thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
2) Isolation
You can have friends, yet still be isolated. Maybe none of your friends have children, and so you don’t have anyone that “gets it.” They want you to go out all the time, go shopping, etc.. and don’t understand why your husband just can’t watch your baby whenever you want. It is so important to have friends who “get it”- Who are IN your place in life. The isolation can cause us to lose our joy and feel alone.
A third thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
3) Mommy-guilt
You probably know exactly what I mean when I say “mommy guilt”? I have SO many stories of things that happened to my boys that I feel guilty about, even to this day. This mommy-guilt is so overpowering that it can cripple us. It can hover over us and put a heaviness on us like nothing else. I remember one day last year when I picked up my son Micah from school and realized that I had just missed his Mother’s Day Tea. I was the only mother who was not there. The thought of him sitting alone just broke me and I cried about it numerous times. The sad thing was that I had nothing going on that morning; I was looking for something to do, and completely forgot about it. He came out of his classroom carrying a gift for me that he had made, this cute necklace, and this guilt just washed over me. This guilt can be overpowering and steal our joy from us, haunting us for years.
A fourth thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
4) Fear
I never really knew fear until I had kids. I want them to be safe, secure, and healthy. Yet I don’t want to keep ourselves locked in our house because of fear. If you’ve ever dealt with a health issue with your child, you know this fear well – sometimes we let our minds go to the farthest scenario of what could happen, and even the thought of it cripples us. We become fearful, anxious, and angry.
We fear of what will happen to our children when we send them off to kindergarten, and they are around other people for 7 hours every day. We fear “letting them go” and we fear of them getting hurt. But living in fear is also not the life God wants for us, his daughters. Fear can rob us of joy.
So how can we find joy as mothers?
I have not overcome each of these areas in my own life. I come to you as a mother who shares in these struggles and wants to overcome them, so that I will be a happy mother who my kids and my husband will want to be around. Thankfully we have our mentor moms who can encourage us in these things and share their stories of hope with us.
In preparing for this message, I asked God to show me His remedy for these areas in our lives. How can we find joy when we face these obstacles every day? Let’s look at what His word says we can do if we are feeling any of this:
1) Instead of comparing, choose contentment.
The reason I use the word “choose” is because each of these responses is a choice. We choose not to let our minds focus on the negative, but to choose a godly response instead.
Recognize that God has given YOU strengths as a mother that another mother may not have. And your weaknesses as a mother may be another’s strength. Focus on the blessings. When you are feeling down, like everyone else has everything going right, Go back to basics: thank you God for the roof over our head, for our food, for our health, for my husband’s job. Thank you for our family.
Our children can tell when we are not content. Whether it’s comparing ourselves to another mom, or comparing our lives to other friends or family members who have more than us, our children pick up on that so easily.
Remember that this is just a season.
Philippians 4:12
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
2) Instead of isolation, choose involvement.
In other cultures, and in biblical history, women were together all the time. They cared for each other, taught each other, took care of each other’s children. They even nursed each other’s babies. In our culture today, we are so isolated and alone. We are so busy we don’t have time for friends. But if you are isolated and alone, recognize that this is not how God designed you to be.
Proverbs 18:24 (KJV) "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." The reason I like this version is because it shows that WE have a part; we have to "show ourselves friendly" and reach out if we want to find friends.
Reach out. It takes work to make friends, especially after having kids. But if you can even connect with another mother once a week, it will give you something to look forward to. Invite someone over during the day, or go to someone’s house. You have to make an effort to connect but it is worth it. Join a Bible study. Join a MOMS group. Do what you can to surround yourself with support, even if they are not your closest friends.
Connect. Engage. Give to someone. Be joy for someone else.
3. Instead of Guilt, choose Grace- recognize that guilt is a tool that Satan uses to torment us. We all mess up.
“There is no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a great one”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (New International Version)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Hebrews 4:16 (King James Version)
"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
4. Instead of fear, choose faith. Fear is a reaction, while Trust is a response.
Exodus 2:1-4 –
"Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him."
I think of Moses' mother here: think of the amount of faith this woman had to wrap her baby up, make a basket for him, and set him down in a large river. She didn’t know if he would float away, if he would fall out and drown, or if anyone would find him. The Bible says that when he was found he was crying. Can you imagine the pain she went through to “let him go”? Yet if Moses’ mother would have held on to him and hid him out of fear, he would have never become great. He would have never become the leader of Israel. It was because of his mother’s act of faith and choosing to let her son go and trust in God.
Nothing will happen to our children that has not passed first through God’s hand. Our children are his children first.
Proverbs 29:25
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe."
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you."
Each of these responses is a choice. We choose to let our minds go down the paths of fear, of guilt, of comparisons, and even of isolation. We have the ability to stop our minds from going down those roads and choosing a different response instead.
These are things that can bring joy to our lives. When we are choosing not to compare, not to fear, not to isolate ourselves, and to not succumb to guilt, we will find joy.
Think about one of these areas that stood out to you the most. I can relate to all of these, but the one that stands out to me the most is fear. I struggle with that even more than the others. Rather than go home and feel overwhelmed that now we have all these new things to change about ourselves, I just want you to pick one area that you are struggling with right now. Pray about that area right now, and let God replace that area with his peace and his joy as you trust in him.
