5 Pitfalls of Working From Home (and How to Avoid Them)

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Before I had kids, I had planned on going back into the workforce at least part-time after having my first son.  Yet after holding him in my arms, and with my maternity leave ending, I started praying for a way to stay home with him.  God opened the door through my brother offering me a job, and I have now worked from home for 7 years as a wedding photo editor.

From the outside looking in, working from home seems like a dream come true.   It is a dream come true in many ways, yet it is not easy and requires constant juggling and balancing to make things work. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just get a job outside the home and be able to leave the work there at the end of the day.  I have tried that, too, however, and it is not easy at all.  Juggling work from home has been easier for me than juggling childcare outside the home.

The past 7 years have brought me through all the high's and low's of working from home, and I wanted to share with you 5 pitfalls of working from home (things I have experienced), so that it might help you to avoid them.

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Pitfall #1 - Ineffective Income Management

If you work from home, chances are you are self-employed, and with that comes very irregular pay periods.  In the wedding business, we have "wedding season" and "off season," and I did not always plan well for those months with almost no income coming in.  It is important that you don't take on new bills (that your income alone is responsible for) which could default during the months you have no income.  It is also just as important to set money aside for the months that work is slower.  Receiving a big paycheck during the busy seasons can be exhilarating, and you can be easily tempted to go make a big purchase or spend it all; but be careful, because those choices may come back later (in the slow season) to haunt you.  Be wise with your money and save during the busy seasons.

Pitfall #2 - Lack of a Set Work Schedule

When you work at all hours of the day and night, constantly being interrupted by emails, phone calls, text messages and more, it can wreak havoc on your family and your personal well-being.  Set a work schedule, in some way or form.  I realize there are some jobs where you are "on call" and this would be hard.  But for the most part, many of us do have a choice in when we work.  I made this mistake for years as a work-from-home mom.  All day and night I was working, checking emails, responding to people - who could have waited until the next business day.  The world will not stop running if you take a break.  Make it very clear the days you work and the days you are off, as well as the times you work and the times you don't work. It is helpful to post it on your office door, or somewhere where your family can see it.  Don't just set a schedule, though - keep to it; otherwise your life will be run by your job, and you will become very stressed out and overwhelmed.

Pitfall #3- Blogger's Butt

It is called "Blogger's Butt" for a reason - it is a joke in the blogging community that sitting for prolonged periods of time writing at your computer can cause your butt to widen and the weight to pile on.  I have it myself, so take it from me.  The past few years of working from home have resulted in me gaining 20 extra pounds.  If you are working from home, especially at a computer, you need to exercise more than probably the average person.  Be sure to take a break in your day (I know it's hard!) to get up and walk, go to the gym, or do an exercise DVD.

It is also easier to snack all day when you work from home, because the kitchen is only steps away.  When you work outside the home, it is easier to be active and only eat on your lunch break.  Be sure to take extra care of your health when working from home, because it is so easy to overlook it.

Pitfall #4 - Little Personal Connection

Working from home also has a little-known side-effect: a lack of personal connection with the outside world.  I'm not talking about connecting with others through social media, because we do that all day long.  I'm talking about getting together with friends in person.  "But I'm too busy!" you say, "I have no time for that!"  I understand- trust me, I do. But you need to get out of your home office and interact with people outside of your home, in person, on a regular basis.  If that means taking your laptop to Starbucks or a public place, do it. But what is even better is to meet up with friends at a park for a playdate (if you have small children at home), go out with a friend during your "off time" (see pitfall #2), have a regular date night with your spouse - anything you can do that gets you out of the house.  Before I realized this pitfall, there were sometimes entire weeks where I would go with no contact with anyone other than my husband, my son, and saying hello quickly to people on Sunday mornings at church.  Be intentional about staying in real-life relationships with people and not just resorting to contact through social media.

Pitfall #5 - Your Family Feeling Left Out

Before my children were in school all day, I had to work many times during the day while they were home with me. I did not have the resources to pay for childcare while I was working, so many times I would get work done while they were playing.  This isn't bad per-say, but because I had set no boundaries with my work, they never knew when I was working and when I wasn't. They were confused, and there were many frustrating days where I couldn't get anything done because they were pulling my arms off the keyboard.  Instead of having a few set hours where I was working uninterrupted (even if it was while they were sleeping), I was trying to work all day long but getting constantly interrupted.  My kids were upset with me, I was upset with them, and we were all frustrated because there was no quality time being had.

Looking back I realize now that if I had just given them my undivided attention for periods throughout the day, things would have gone so much smoother. Instead, I was trying to mother and work while constantly getting pulled away from both.  How much nicer things could have been if I would have strived for doing one thing well at a time (even if it didn't always happen).

Now that my boys are in school, I try very hard to get all of my work done by the time they get home from school.  Yet it is still hard to turn off the computer and shut the office door during the rest of the day when they are home.  When you work from home, you feel like your work is never done and if you could just get ahead a little bit more, tomorrow would be so much easier.  But remember that your work is never more important than your family, and your children need you more.

The pitfall I struggle with the most right now is #2 - I'm still trying hard to set a work schedule for myself that allows me to get everything done while they are gone, yet still keep the house clean and run all of my weekly errands.

Working from home is rarely done perfectly, but I hope the things I shared can help you avoid some of the pifalls that I have fallen into.

If you work from home, what pitfall do you struggle with the most?  Are there any other pitfalls that you would add?

Mommy-Guilt

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Things didn't end well tonight.  The amount of strong will in a 4-going-on-14 year old is amazing, to say the least.  He was tired, I was tired.  He was disobeying, I was growing frustrated.  So he got in trouble.  He fought me, I took away his favorite toy.  He threw his blankets off the bed.  I raised my voice.  He yelled through tears of frustration. After almost an hour of a power struggle, finally there was quiet, but I knew he went to sleep with tears in his eyes.  I collapsed on the couch, feeling defeated.

When I went to check on him later, he looked so peaceful, so still, so perfect.  And that is when the waves of guilt washed over me.  I wanted to hold him, to say "I'm sorry," to tell him it will all be alright.  I wanted to whisper in his ear that even when we disagree, it doesn't change my love for him.  For a moment I imagined what life would be like if something happened to him, and the grief was so strong that I had to stop the thought before it even finished.

So he sleeps soundly, and the scene re-plays itself over and over in my mind.

"You're a bad mom!" I hear.
"You are so impatient with him!" I cringe.
"You are going to scar him for life!" I want to run and hide.

My thoughts are my own worst enemy. This mommy-guilt... it is overpowering, it cripples, it blinds.  If I let it, it will destroy me.

And so I have a decision to make - to wallow in the guilt that only mother's know, or choose to accept God's grace for me.  I decide to receive the grace, and for a few moments I let it wash over me.  It feels cold and uncomfortable.  This grace is something so hard to receive that I try to reject it, and let the thoughts overtake me once again.  Yet He keeps pouring it out, over and over.  I fight it, then it comes again. I fight it, it comes again. And again, and again...His grace.. until I am sound asleep.

Tomorrow is new.

Finding Joy

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Two weeks ago I had the amazing opportunity to speak at my MOPS group.  I had been praying for months about what to speak about, and really felt led to speak on "Finding Joy" (as a mother).  The first video is what I opened with- a slideshow of our funny moments as a mom, that we don't often find joy in right away, but later on we look at them and laugh.

The second link is just the audio of my message; it is about 26 minutes, and if you have time to listen to it, I hope it greatly encourages you!!

(This slideshow is comprised of pictures that our MOPS moms submitted to me, as well as a few funny ones I found online):

Here are the notes from my message:

FINDING JOY

(Listen to the audio to hear the introduction and expanded points with illustrations):

Four areas that we lose our joy as mothers:

1) Comparisons
Mothers are really hard on each other. As much as we try not to do it, we judge other mothers all the time. We also, almost subconsciously, compare ourselves to other moms all day long.

We look at the ones who seem to be able to “do it all”, and we feel lame. We often compare ourselves, which makes us feel low, and then we judge someone else, which temporarily makes us feel better again. It is a vicious and un-godly cycle we can find ourselves in. I think the root of this is that each of us wants what is best for our kids. But by comparing, we lose our joy. We feel bad about ourselves. We focus on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. You’ve probably heard that phrase “comparison trap” because that is exactly what it is: a trap. Once we get into comparing, it is hard to stop.

We often compare
-mothering styles
-abilities
-things (possessions)


Another thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
2) Isolation

You can have friends, yet still be isolated. Maybe none of your friends have children, and so you don’t have anyone that “gets it.” They want you to go out all the time, go shopping, etc.. and don’t understand why your husband just can’t watch your baby whenever you want. It is so important to have friends who “get it”- Who are IN your place in life. The isolation can cause us to lose our joy and feel alone.

A third thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
3) Mommy-guilt

You probably know exactly what I mean when I say “mommy guilt”? I have SO many stories of things that happened to my boys that I feel guilty about, even to this day. This mommy-guilt is so overpowering that it can cripple us. It can hover over us and put a heaviness on us like nothing else. I remember one day last year when I picked up my son Micah from school and realized that I had just missed his Mother’s Day Tea. I was the only mother who was not there. The thought of him sitting alone just broke me and I cried about it numerous times. The sad thing was that I had nothing going on that morning; I was looking for something to do, and completely forgot about it. He came out of his classroom carrying a gift for me that he had made, this cute necklace, and this guilt just washed over me. This guilt can be overpowering and steal our joy from us, haunting us for years.

A fourth thing that can cause us to lose our joy is
4) Fear

I never really knew fear until I had kids. I want them to be safe, secure, and healthy. Yet I don’t want to keep ourselves locked in our house because of fear. If you’ve ever dealt with a health issue with your child, you know this fear well – sometimes we let our minds go to the farthest scenario of what could happen, and even the thought of it cripples us. We become fearful, anxious, and angry.

We fear of what will happen to our children when we send them off to kindergarten, and they are around other people for 7 hours every day. We fear “letting them go” and we fear of them getting hurt. But living in fear is also not the life God wants for us, his daughters. Fear can rob us of joy.

So how can we find joy as mothers?
I have not overcome each of these areas in my own life. I come to you as a mother who shares in these struggles and wants to overcome them, so that I will be a happy mother who my kids and my husband will want to be around. Thankfully we have our mentor moms who can encourage us in these things and share their stories of hope with us.

In preparing for this message, I asked God to show me His remedy for these areas in our lives. How can we find joy when we face these obstacles every day? Let’s look at what His word says we can do if we are feeling any of this:

1) Instead of comparing, choose contentment.
The reason I use the word “choose” is because each of these responses is a choice. We choose not to let our minds focus on the negative, but to choose a godly response instead.

Recognize that God has given YOU strengths as a mother that another mother may not have. And your weaknesses as a mother may be another’s strength. Focus on the blessings. When you are feeling down, like everyone else has everything going right, Go back to basics: thank you God for the roof over our head, for our food, for our health, for my husband’s job. Thank you for our family.

Our children can tell when we are not content. Whether it’s comparing ourselves to another mom, or comparing our lives to other friends or family members who have more than us, our children pick up on that so easily.

Remember that this is just a season.

Philippians 4:12
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."


2) Instead of isolation, choose involvement.

In other cultures, and in biblical history, women were together all the time. They cared for each other, taught each other, took care of each other’s children. They even nursed each other’s babies. In our culture today, we are so isolated and alone. We are so busy we don’t have time for friends. But if you are isolated and alone, recognize that this is not how God designed you to be.

Proverbs 18:24 (KJV) "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." The reason I like this version is because it shows that WE have a part; we have to "show ourselves friendly" and reach out if we want to find friends.

Reach out. It takes work to make friends, especially after having kids. But if you can even connect with another mother once a week, it will give you something to look forward to. Invite someone over during the day, or go to someone’s house. You have to make an effort to connect but it is worth it. Join a Bible study. Join a MOMS group. Do what you can to surround yourself with support, even if they are not your closest friends.
Connect. Engage. Give to someone. Be joy for someone else.

3. Instead of Guilt, choose Grace- recognize that guilt is a tool that Satan uses to torment us. We all mess up.

“There is no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a great one”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (New International Version)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Hebrews 4:16 (King James Version)
"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."


4. Instead of fear, choose faith. Fear is a reaction, while Trust is a response.

Exodus 2:1-4 –
"Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him."

I think of Moses' mother here: think of the amount of faith this woman had to wrap her baby up, make a basket for him, and set him down in a large river. She didn’t know if he would float away, if he would fall out and drown, or if anyone would find him. The Bible says that when he was found he was crying. Can you imagine the pain she went through to “let him go”? Yet if Moses’ mother would have held on to him and hid him out of fear, he would have never become great. He would have never become the leader of Israel. It was because of his mother’s act of faith and choosing to let her son go and trust in God.

Nothing will happen to our children that has not passed first through God’s hand. Our children are his children first.


Proverbs 29:25
"Fear of man will prove to be a snare,
but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe."


Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you."

Each of these responses is a choice. We choose to let our minds go down the paths of fear, of guilt, of comparisons, and even of isolation. We have the ability to stop our minds from going down those roads and choosing a different response instead.

These are things that can bring joy to our lives. When we are choosing not to compare, not to fear, not to isolate ourselves, and to not succumb to guilt, we will find joy.

Think about one of these areas that stood out to you the most. I can relate to all of these, but the one that stands out to me the most is fear. I struggle with that even more than the others. Rather than go home and feel overwhelmed that now we have all these new things to change about ourselves, I just want you to pick one area that you are struggling with right now. Pray about that area right now, and let God replace that area with his peace and his joy as you trust in him.