Later on in the day I decided to take Micah to Disneyland. He's obsessed with Lighting McQueen and we've had passes for about 9 months but he's never seen the parade where McQueen actually drives around. Martin took Jaden for the afternoon, and I took Micah to the Happiest Place on Earth. The thing about Micah is that he is afraid of nearly everything. He was born this way. He is a melancholy child. Children with melancholy temperaments are described as moody, introverted, perfectionistic, and usually have many fears and anxieties. (These are some of the best books on temperaments out there).
Anyway, back to Micah. We have learned to ease Micah into anything new, as he is very sensitive and afraid to try new things. Take any ride at Disneyland, for instance. We usually have to cajole and bribe him into going on a ride, and he fights us the whole way in line, but then after it is over it is his favorite ride. I'm not talking about Pirates of the Caribbean here, people. I'm talking about any ride that is inside of a building that he can't see for himself, or anything that flies or goes fast. Except for the rocket ride and the Toy Story ride, which he has now been acclimated to. That means that for every Disneyland trip, there are only about 5 rides we can go on.
Today I wanted to take Micah on a new ride, but he would have none of it. I also wanted to take him to the Jedi Training Academy (which is outside, and they just have kids come up and teach them to use lightsabers). I thought to myself, "Micah, you are going to love this! Why can't you just trust me? Would I do anything to harm you? I know what you like, and you WILL like this, I promise!" I also thought, "You don't have to be afraid! I am your mother, and I love you!" After he fought me for a long time on going to the show, I finally dropped it and then just "took a walk" with him later and ended up right where the show was being held ;) I held him on my lap and we watched it, and he was mesmerized. For the next 2 hours, all he talked about was getting his own lightsaber (which I finally gave in and bought him, by the way. It was $10 that made him so happy!) :)
On the way home I thought about how often I learn lessons about God from my boys. Usually I learn lessons about faith and trust. I am often afraid of what is unseen - afraid of the future. I worry - I admit it. I worry that God might not have my best interest in mind, and He will make me do something I don't want to do. Many times He does make me do something I don't want to do, and I kick and scream inside. But He has never harmed me or hurt me. He knows what is best for me and my life, and He sees the big picture. All I can see is the "scary ride" that I don't want to go on. He sees the end of the ride - the part where the reward comes. God knows that sometimes I don't need to know where I am going, because I won't understand and I will fight it. So he leads me in what feels like "the dark." Yet if I knew where I was going, I would plan my way right out of it. He takes me to the beginning of the ride, and I get so scared. I worry that I can't trust him, that He will let me fall.
Yet my indication is that if I care so much about my children on earth (that HE has given me), and if all I want to do is love and protect them and have them just trust me, then HOW MUCH MORE does He loves us and care for us? He is not going to harm us, friends.
Luke 12: 6-7
"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
Over the course of Micah's life, I hope he will learn to trust us. For we only want what is best for him, and sometimes the scary things in life are what is best for him. It hurts us to see him afraid. If only he would trust us. Hopefully that will come, and hopefully it will come for all of us too!