Sunday, January 29, 2012
Do you remember the dreams you had as a child, then as a teenager, then as a young adult? My own dreams have changed so much over the years, from wanting to be a veterinarian, to a singer, to a youth pastor, to a mom. Before motherhood I was pretty ambitious, trying to continually work towards my goals, which led me to become a licensed minister and get my Master's Degree. My life was going one direction, and then I became pregnant - a dream come true - but I knew my life was going to be forever changed.
For the past 6 years I have poured all of my energy into raising my boys, all the while knowing that I had changed and wondering what would come next. I think it is good when dreams change - they kindof "evolve" over time, and as our seasons in life change, so do our dreams. The last 2 years in particular I have wondered what God would have me do next. Was I called to focus solely on being a mom, or also pursue interests outside the home?
Six months ago I sensed that life was changing, but was unclear what the direction was. I was about to turn 35, and in some ways it felt like I was having a mid-life crisis. I wondered if anything I had done up to that point had been effective. I wondered if I had made the right choices in life. I wondered if I had messed up somewhere and should have pursued other interests. I really wondered if I was a failure. After becoming a mom, it seemed like all those accomplishments I had made meant nothing, and as though I had worked for....what?
This was my journal entry on June 19, 2011-
"Lord, show me what you created me to do. Narrow my focus and give me a vision. Show me clearly what you have called me, specifically, to do. Call me into a new season of ministry."
On June 22nd -
"I've been praying that God would narrow my focus....A I write, I'm coming up with more ideas for articles....God, please show me what to do."
"Hmmm....a thought. If my only way to encourage people right now is through writing, I guess I better just write."
I won't go into the background of the statement "If my only way to encourage people right now is through writing..." because it would take hours. But basically I felt like I had no ministry, no outlet, no direction, so all I knew to do was write.
Little did I know that God would answer that prayer only 4 days after I prayed it, but I didn't know He had answered it until 6 months later. Does that make sense?
It is now January...God has opened up multiple doors for writing and for speaking. It was a dream inside that was pushed far back into a corner, and it is just now surfacing again. For two years I heard of other people's dreams coming to fruition, and it discouraged me. I wondered, "When will that happen for me?" Although the doors opening for me would seem small to most people, to me they are huge, because they are an answer to that prayer I wrote on June 19, 2011.
I honestly don't know what will happen in the next year with this dream that started out as two words - "just write." Yet those two words provided me direction in the last 6 months that I needed. I think a new dream is being born.
I say all of this because I know so many people who have dreams inside of them, and wonder if they've been forgotten. They wonder why God is not opening doors, and feel confused. Last January I tried to get these doors to open, and not one door opened. This January, the doors are being opened without me even trying. It's all about His timing. When it's supposed to happen, it will happen. If not, ask God to show you what to do in the meantime. For me, that meant "just write." Maybe for you it means "just sing," or "just encourage," or "just be happy at home," or "just be patient." But take heart, because He has not forgotten you, and He will give you new dreams - or awaken the ones you had almost forgotten about.