Thursday, June 9, 2011
Okay, God, But....
"God, I will do what you have called me to do, BUT...."
"God, I will go wherever you want me to go, BUT...."
"God, I will share your love with whoever you want me to, BUT....."
"God, I will forgive whoever I should forgive, BUT...."
I remember being in college, packed in the cafeteria at 9pm on a Wednesday night, wall to wall with sweaty students singing their hearts out to God, hands lifted high, not fearing anything that life would bring outside of those 4 walls, crying out to God that we would serve Him, follow Him, and do whatever He would want us to do with our lives. We longed for His power, and we said we'd be obedient.
Then life happened. We graduated. We couldn't figure out what we were supposed to do with our lives next. We got married. We had babies. We got jobs. Day to day life happened. Life felt boring at times. Our dreams, our callings, our passions became fading memories. We wondered if they were ever really real at all.
Then bad things started happening - affairs, divorces, kids got sick, family members died, friendships were forgotten, jobs were lost, finances were tight. And we lost our innocence.
Somewhere our prayers changed. They became more about "me" and less about "Him." They became more about our agendas and less about His. They became more about our wants than about our blessings. They became more desperate and worried, and less hopeful and trusting.
And that's when the "Buts" started: The "But God, don't make me do this." "But God, don't make me go there." "But God, don't make me forgive that person." Our trust was broken. Our trust was not broken by God, but by ourselves. We put our trust in ourselves, let ourselves down, and then blamed God for it.
The past two days I have been convicted of these things. May I take the "but" out of my prayers, out of my thoughts, out of my life. It is only then that I will be free. It is only then that we will be free.